This has been long overdue 😅 I figured it was time with my latest set released and I have a LOT to talk about.. especially with everything that has transpired in my life over the last 9 months!
TLDR here so ya'll don't have to scroll c:
Let's start with the big one.. the breakup
This was honestly a long time coming.. I had ended things a few times, but those times never lasted. It was hard though.. like being bit by a zombie and cutting off your own arm to save yourself. I was completely in love, even after finding many non-platonic conversations between him and other women (over the course of years). He cheated on me immediately after we got together even after I asked for an open relationship and stupidly complied when he declined.
We were just a few months from out 7 year anniversary and we fought pretty much the entire time. I didn't like the way he spoke to me and he never did anything to change.. not just that, but change at all.. he was totally emotionally unavailable and a serial cheater.. most of it as far as I know was online, but that's no different in my opinion. I asked him so many times to try to fix things.. to go to therapy, couples therapy if that was easier, to work on his tone and how he spoke to me, to not cheat on me?? lol
I knew deep down that he didn't really love me.. if he loved me like I loved him, he would have never treated me that way and would have listened when I asked him to be better. I often said that I felt like he was only with me because it was the easiest and best option for him.. I went 50/50 on all the bills and did all the cooking and a majority of the cleaning. Plus I'm a catch.. I'm hot, I'm funny & cool and I'm a giver.. why wouldn't he wanna keep that around? Especially if he was confident I wouldn't leave.. so I finally figured out after way too long that it didn't matter how good I was or how loyal or how much I begged to be treated with a basic level of respect (in the house and out of it) that I would never be happy with him. I was looking at a lifetime of wicked fights and being held back by someone so far beneath me.. so I left! It was the best and hardest decision I've ever made, but I would do it 1000000 times more.
Earlier in the year I had found out my dad was allergic to gluten so I tried not eating it and felt so so much better. I ultimately lost 40 lbs overall and 7 inches off my stomach! It's honestly wild how much it affected me. I would never get ill when I ate it, but now that I don't eat it, I do notice a lil tummy ache when I do. I also noticed that I was beginning to develop psoriasis on my scalp (not unexpected; my dad and mammaw both have it); that totally cleared up when I stopped eating gluten! I did some research and it turns out that they are both auto-immune related issues and my diet was directly affecting it. I don't have issues with it or weight gain at all now that I'm gluten-free! Yay! I do miss some stuff though.. I still cheat for some cheez-itz 🤫
Sometime last year my step-dad got diagnosed with cancer in his eyelid and was considered pre-diabetic. Fast forward a bit and the doctors have figured out that they need to build him a new eyelid and that he is actually diabetic now.. type 2. My younger sister (his daughter with my mom) got into LSU so I planned to stay with them for the holidays, to help move her into her dorm and to stay at the house with my uncle for the 3 days they have to be in NOLA for the surgery (he has seizures and can't be alone for that long). My other sister went MIA and later let us know she was in a family shelter; apparently her husband has been putting his hands on her for a while.
While all this was happening, I was planning to move to LA. A friend offered to to be roommates since their lease was about to expire and of course, I said yes! I was free to go wherever I wanted to and LA had always been the plan. Once I met my ex, it wasn't an option though.. he was in a band and that band was in Austin, so we stayed in Austin. I made the plans to move to LA once I was back home; I signed out of my lease, booked a storage unit for things I wouldn't be taking and started scouting apartments. We even had a group chat for it.. and then she cancelled on me. I have to respect her decision though to be honest. She decided that a different city would be cheaper and I definitely understand that. I was really upsetting at the time and I was truly well and fucked when it came to moving to LA at that point.. I couldn't do it without a roommate.. SO while I planned on being in Louisiana for 3 weeks; I've now been here for 3 months..
I have had plan a-z thwarted one way or another.. I looked at buying a house near my parents.. it would be cheap and I could travel more; my step-dad & uncle are getting up there in age and with my sister out of the house I worry about my mom being here alone. She has a support system though.. at least something of one here. I realized after a ton of research and self-reflection that I was really just buying a house I would never be in if I wanted the lifestyle I want. That's when it hit me that I could literally go anywhere.. if LA was too expensive that was ok because I've always wanted to live in Seattle, New York, Denver.. I really did have the whole world to chose from and that was so freeing and so daunting 😅
All the while I have been working on my photography, looking for the next adventure and just trying to stay sane.. I am so grateful to have this community to lean on throughout the years. It's been more than a decade and SG has been a constant light in the dark times 💗 I am not sure what my next move is yet, but I know that I'll be ok.. and if you are reading this and can relate; you've got this. We're stronger than we think and if you feel you deserve better, you do! I am so excited about this murky future in front of me. I know it's going to be so magical! I feel like a fairy emerging from her cocoon ✨
@penny @missy @lust
Bonus SGHQ pic 🥰
