chainsawromeo

Well, I had another attack at work this morning/last night. It's very upsetting to me because I was starting to feel like I had overcome this; it wasn't an issue anymore. And now I'm worried that I will collapse again at work and not able to come back until they find something definetive that's wrong wih me. Last time, it took countless tests and three fucking months of unpaid time off to come to the conclusion that there was nothing wrong with me. I went to neurologists, physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists, and all of them came back clean. When it comes to your health, sometimes not finding something is a very bad thing. I know there's nothing physically wrong with me and that it's all in my head, but it's hard to remain calm and remember to breathe when it feels like somebody's choking you and trying to rip your brains out at the same time. So, I try slowing down my breathing and to breathe steadily, but rather then making things better, it just makes it worse. Then I can't walk because I feel like I'm drunk, and that's followed shortly after by pins and needles in my arms, legs, hands, and feet until they just lock up and i'm paralyzed.

But the worst part is how everybody in my family thinks they know what's wrong with me. I mean, it's obvious to them that the doctors are idiots because they know I'm like this because I'm not eating, or i'm not sleeping, or because I have hair in my eyes (yes, my aunt actually thinks this is caused because my hair gets in my eyes). It pisses me off because I do eat and sleep, a lot actually. And it pisses me off because they have no idea that if it were something that simple, I would've already done what I needed to do to fix it. I swear soemtimes the people in my life think I put my body through hell because I enjoy it or something.

I've made yet another adjustment to my workout schedule because I think the way I was approaching it before could prove to be a recipe for overtraining myself too quickly. Instead, i've decided to break my objective down into three, one month phases. The first phase will involve me in shoring up weak links in my muscles. Nothing too extreme, but to do the "power" exercises efficiently, I need all the supporting muscles in top form first. After that, I will switch to an all-out, insane workout schedule that will do cardio everyday and work one muscle group per day, six days a week. This means a longer trip to the gym everyday, but will result in outrageous growth (hopefully) with rapid fat loss at the same time. For example, on the day I do arms, I'll be doing (in total), over 200 reps in different excercises just on my biceps and triceps. I'll be a tired boy after this phase, but I should be showing some serious growth. Finally, the last phase of my training will be intense fat loss, while getting my lean muscle mass up to it's peak potential, which will result in a sexy beach body just in time for Cuba. I will be doing cardio everyday (45 minutes on days with no strength training, 30 minutes on days with strengh training), and combined with the proper diet, I will be shedding fat like a man possessed. I am a little concerned though that I will put on all this mass and not be able to shed it off in time for the trip. It would be ironic to not be able to take off the weight and end up going to Cuba in worse shape (visually speaking) then I was when I started

And finally, my thought of the day: There's no such thing as harmless flirting when either party is in a relationship. It's only harmless until the other party finds out.