A few weeks back I was asked to perform a ceremony! The union of two people in Holy matrimony was to be preformed by a man who has gone through life not willing to conform to this practice would stand in front of many well Khaki-wearing gents and ladies with much product on there person to kill numerous small animals. So, of course I accepted the request to see if I could take a glimpse into this odd practice of marriage.
Standing under an arch of murder flowers I gazed into the sea of on lookers whispering to each other. No Doubt these people will spit out the garbage of the soon to be newly weds life. Pointing and glaring. Each person in the wedding party was having their lives explained to complete strangers. The pleasantries are minimum in their presents. The dirt was indeed the most interesting of the conversations mumbled under the breath of the drunkards in the crowd. "That girl slept with that guy who divorced a guy who left her for a midget with one arm." Things of this nature rained supreme.
My job was simple, read the vows, introduce the couple. But standing under the arch of happiness, I began to feel the heat. Was the BIG GUY himself turning up the heat on a sinner about to give a serious speech in which he has not believed in? Was it the mental torture of joining a soon to be fallen comrade? Maybe I was feeling the pressure that the groom must have known he was putting me in. Why decide to have your BIG DAY read by a man who mumbles? I stayed sober in effort not to laugh at the process, so perhaps it was withdraw of whiskey and fine cheap beer rushing through my systemsearching for a drink my body was forcing out all other fluids. Holy Jesus, why was the temperature in this room rising. I felt like a school boy standing in front of the class giving a speech on masturbation while fighting back an erection.
I fought through the pain of the heat and the want to mumble sweet sarcasm into the process. I finished the ceremony and received many nods of confusion. I am sure no one expected the Father to be a Father of the Bottle and babbled words. For my job well done I was rewarded with a half gallon of booze. I would be able to extinguish the fire place on me by forces unknown with the smooth drink. Savage as it was, it was an experience which left me wondering.WHY? Why was this necessary? These people have not changed. They are the same as they were when they entered the establishment. Was there something I missed? Perhaps pledging love to someone does something for you. Except they had already done that naturally in my eyesthey live together and have a child. Is that not enough? Or is there still a need for total ownership!
Standing under an arch of murder flowers I gazed into the sea of on lookers whispering to each other. No Doubt these people will spit out the garbage of the soon to be newly weds life. Pointing and glaring. Each person in the wedding party was having their lives explained to complete strangers. The pleasantries are minimum in their presents. The dirt was indeed the most interesting of the conversations mumbled under the breath of the drunkards in the crowd. "That girl slept with that guy who divorced a guy who left her for a midget with one arm." Things of this nature rained supreme.
My job was simple, read the vows, introduce the couple. But standing under the arch of happiness, I began to feel the heat. Was the BIG GUY himself turning up the heat on a sinner about to give a serious speech in which he has not believed in? Was it the mental torture of joining a soon to be fallen comrade? Maybe I was feeling the pressure that the groom must have known he was putting me in. Why decide to have your BIG DAY read by a man who mumbles? I stayed sober in effort not to laugh at the process, so perhaps it was withdraw of whiskey and fine cheap beer rushing through my systemsearching for a drink my body was forcing out all other fluids. Holy Jesus, why was the temperature in this room rising. I felt like a school boy standing in front of the class giving a speech on masturbation while fighting back an erection.
I fought through the pain of the heat and the want to mumble sweet sarcasm into the process. I finished the ceremony and received many nods of confusion. I am sure no one expected the Father to be a Father of the Bottle and babbled words. For my job well done I was rewarded with a half gallon of booze. I would be able to extinguish the fire place on me by forces unknown with the smooth drink. Savage as it was, it was an experience which left me wondering.WHY? Why was this necessary? These people have not changed. They are the same as they were when they entered the establishment. Was there something I missed? Perhaps pledging love to someone does something for you. Except they had already done that naturally in my eyesthey live together and have a child. Is that not enough? Or is there still a need for total ownership!