More events have come of lateones that required me bear the uniform of acceptanceyes, the Khakis. The Khakis are destroying the world within I live. People are considering them to be the new blue jeans. What the Fuck is that about. "What's the big deal ass" you may ask. The big deal, these tan pants are uncomfortable for my psyche.
It begins as simple as being invited to some formal occasion.weddings, graduations, business parties, FUNERALS (aren't they all), etc. So you go in search of a fine tan pant, knowingly entering a world of confusion and dissatisfaction. Arriving to the local mall, plaza, or accept shopping hubthings seem to be normalrelaxation is felt at this early point.
SECONDS after entering the establishment, the ESTABLISHMENT hits you square in the chops. The smell of a fresh salty pretzel lingers among the aromas of sugar-filled-youth and disillusionment. Swarms of the latest trends rush like traffic on Interstate 65. Fuzzy boots, skunk striped blondes, and an endless array of colorsTan, dark tan, light tan, Florida tan, over tan, orange tan, and GET OUT OF THE FUCKING TANNING bed tan. Chats over being an individual are babbled by the group of young ladies buying the same shirt in the American eagleor was it the Gap?
I press on! Which store do I dare cross the threshold. Making the right choice is vital. Choosing the wrong store would no doubt leave me wearing the wrong pant to the situation and being the butt of many giggles. Do I hit the Marshall Fields/JC Penny/ LS Ayers type placeor do I dash into the soldier's stores. I know one road leads me to pleated pants and the other a comfortable boot-cut pant.with an already worn looked hole in the knee, causing a need to buy yet another pair.
Escaping with a pair of fine britches is possible, but suicide too. After acquiring the pants, I was stopped cold in my tracks with the new problema shirt must also be obtained. I would have to repeat the steps I have already pounded out during the course of the last two hours in looking for those Khakis. Fuck no thank you very muchThis is not what I signed up for.
After the pants, a shirt, belt, shoes, tie, blazer, some other haberdasheryyou know find yourself poor, stressed out from the shopping battle, beaten, and loaded down with a large amount of useless clothing, those things you never wished to own in the first place. That is why you do not own them. THIS IS HOW KHAKIS DESTROYED THE WORLD! They drain your wallet and soul.
Why do I have to wear them anywaythe bride will have all eyes on her. Everyone commenting on how lovely she looks, before mumbling how she needed to lose a few in the rear. Her man in a tuxrecreating memories for him of the first time he wore onegetting lucky that night as well, except with the school's HEAD cheerleader one that drunken night. No one noticing you. Maybe the bride will notice, if she has no soul, and she will take note of your pants and blame you in a sweet card for ruining her perfect weddingbefore thanking you for the four-slot toaster.
The funeral causes tears, blurring vision. Your khakis left unchecked by the sobbing mass. Everyone is too sad to make commentary. The deadthey don't give two shitsthey are most likely with out pants in the casket.
Graduations.khakis are just a place where stains are unavoidableengulfing mass quantities of food and beveragedropping some sort of sauce and/or booze on the leg is undeniable. Of course it will glaze over by morning when you notice, causing minutes of trying to get said stain out before placing them in the darkest part of a closet of drawer.
That leaves business partiesKhakis the pant that allows you just enough to get in the door. The door which most certain leads to a night of boring garble and mind-numbing kiss ass chatter. Where does this get youno where really? You are just a schmuck in the back of the room surrounding yourself with bite-sized nibblets and water-downed drinks while putting in just enough time to get notice and just enough time not to get noticed.
As mentioned before, the accessories that accompany the Khakis is forever buildingI did not mention that the dawning of the suntanned-pant may also lead to the cutting of hair, changing or attitude (a redefinition of dominance and social orderyeah a long shot, but you can see it a bit).
Now that I have finished this banter and have filled my empty timeI have no real conclusion on the manner of dealing with Khakis. The tan-pant is something that causes an ideal of standardswhere them and one may enter another tax bracket perhaps.
I have nothing elsethey are just uncomfortable to me, restricting, and I don't care for themthat is all I set out to say in the first placeI just can't believe YOU read this entire thing
It begins as simple as being invited to some formal occasion.weddings, graduations, business parties, FUNERALS (aren't they all), etc. So you go in search of a fine tan pant, knowingly entering a world of confusion and dissatisfaction. Arriving to the local mall, plaza, or accept shopping hubthings seem to be normalrelaxation is felt at this early point.
SECONDS after entering the establishment, the ESTABLISHMENT hits you square in the chops. The smell of a fresh salty pretzel lingers among the aromas of sugar-filled-youth and disillusionment. Swarms of the latest trends rush like traffic on Interstate 65. Fuzzy boots, skunk striped blondes, and an endless array of colorsTan, dark tan, light tan, Florida tan, over tan, orange tan, and GET OUT OF THE FUCKING TANNING bed tan. Chats over being an individual are babbled by the group of young ladies buying the same shirt in the American eagleor was it the Gap?
I press on! Which store do I dare cross the threshold. Making the right choice is vital. Choosing the wrong store would no doubt leave me wearing the wrong pant to the situation and being the butt of many giggles. Do I hit the Marshall Fields/JC Penny/ LS Ayers type placeor do I dash into the soldier's stores. I know one road leads me to pleated pants and the other a comfortable boot-cut pant.with an already worn looked hole in the knee, causing a need to buy yet another pair.
Escaping with a pair of fine britches is possible, but suicide too. After acquiring the pants, I was stopped cold in my tracks with the new problema shirt must also be obtained. I would have to repeat the steps I have already pounded out during the course of the last two hours in looking for those Khakis. Fuck no thank you very muchThis is not what I signed up for.
After the pants, a shirt, belt, shoes, tie, blazer, some other haberdasheryyou know find yourself poor, stressed out from the shopping battle, beaten, and loaded down with a large amount of useless clothing, those things you never wished to own in the first place. That is why you do not own them. THIS IS HOW KHAKIS DESTROYED THE WORLD! They drain your wallet and soul.
Why do I have to wear them anywaythe bride will have all eyes on her. Everyone commenting on how lovely she looks, before mumbling how she needed to lose a few in the rear. Her man in a tuxrecreating memories for him of the first time he wore onegetting lucky that night as well, except with the school's HEAD cheerleader one that drunken night. No one noticing you. Maybe the bride will notice, if she has no soul, and she will take note of your pants and blame you in a sweet card for ruining her perfect weddingbefore thanking you for the four-slot toaster.
The funeral causes tears, blurring vision. Your khakis left unchecked by the sobbing mass. Everyone is too sad to make commentary. The deadthey don't give two shitsthey are most likely with out pants in the casket.
Graduations.khakis are just a place where stains are unavoidableengulfing mass quantities of food and beveragedropping some sort of sauce and/or booze on the leg is undeniable. Of course it will glaze over by morning when you notice, causing minutes of trying to get said stain out before placing them in the darkest part of a closet of drawer.
That leaves business partiesKhakis the pant that allows you just enough to get in the door. The door which most certain leads to a night of boring garble and mind-numbing kiss ass chatter. Where does this get youno where really? You are just a schmuck in the back of the room surrounding yourself with bite-sized nibblets and water-downed drinks while putting in just enough time to get notice and just enough time not to get noticed.
As mentioned before, the accessories that accompany the Khakis is forever buildingI did not mention that the dawning of the suntanned-pant may also lead to the cutting of hair, changing or attitude (a redefinition of dominance and social orderyeah a long shot, but you can see it a bit).
Now that I have finished this banter and have filled my empty timeI have no real conclusion on the manner of dealing with Khakis. The tan-pant is something that causes an ideal of standardswhere them and one may enter another tax bracket perhaps.
I have nothing elsethey are just uncomfortable to me, restricting, and I don't care for themthat is all I set out to say in the first placeI just can't believe YOU read this entire thing