cggaratty

i have so much hope and feeling right now that i cant contain it in my mind, i guess venting to public scrutiny is the way to go, right? i guess thats what people are used to now.

thing is, i have been seeing someone that i find very interesting and fun. a cutie for sure and completely compatible with my horribly goofy personality. but there are walls that need to be climbed and trust that needs to be established. its a hard road to be traveling again after such a long time of nothing. the butterflies in the stomach and the desire in wanting to see the person, is all so nastalgic to me. i have been taken back to a time when i remember feeling something deep down inside of myself. its quite a feeling indeed. so new, but very familiar.

i cant help but to feel insecure about things, feel weird, and feel lonely. in my mind it feels so far from reality. like its all a dream sequence and im the lost lead. i guess im over thinking things, but i feel so confused. i dont know what to make of things anymore. with my scars and a long time out of the game of love, i feel like im in a losing battle. i am looking for a way out of my past. a way out of my lonliness and personal torment. my self destruction.

what the fuck am i trying to say? i dont know. sometimes its a good thing to just write, even if it doesnt make sense. im fucked. but being at the bottom only leaves you to go one way, up. in my own way, i have confidence in the future...and to me, thats not enough.

i will continue looking up from the hole i have dug for myself, hopefully there is enough time for me to save myself.

CG.