ceri

Confusion abounds today.
I thought that this chapter of my life had come to a closure. As it turns out, I was profusely wrong.
Last night, the ex and I started talking. Not out of wanting to on my end, but out of pure necessity. I was so freaked out about this creep who somehow got my number that I decided to see if maybe it was something he had put someone up to do. Not that I thought he would, just I hoped he had.
We started talking, and he told me about everything going on in his life. Then he mentioned how he has no one to talk to about missing me. Yes, he said he misses me. I was trying to be a good person, so i offered to be there if he needs to talk. Since I don't have feelings anymore, at least not the "I am so hurt every time I hear from you" feelings, I figured the least i could do was be there.

But now I am very confused. I am not sure how I feel, or what the right thing to do is.
I don't even know how I feel.
Back when this all happened, I thought I would feel overjoyed if he wanted to get back together.
But I just feel.... Indifferent.

Even the things he said to me didn't stir very much emotion.

Things such as:

"i know what i did i see now where i went wrong. And i wish i could take it all back. "
"Have you thought about us getting back together? "
"Because i was hoping i wasnt the only one thinkin about it."
"i miss you a lot sometimes. One of the reasons i cant talk to anyone..... Just wished i caught on to my ignorant selfishness before it was too late"

He says he has changed...
If that is true, maybe something could be salvaged from the wreckage of our mangled past.
What though? A friendship? A relationship?

Do I even want any of that?
I suppose that is what I need to figure out.

Have I changed too much to be happy with him?

Things to ponder....