ceri

so, i think i am going to dye my hair. i know i went through a lot to get it blonde, but i only did this color for my now ex-fiance. and i don't think i want to be reminded of yet another thing i did for him. i don't hate the blonde, i actually kind of like it, but it's a hard reminder to deal with. any ideas on this? i was thinking of going back to red, the kind of orangy natural red. but i'm unsure of what to do. please help! lol

an update with what is happening with that situation: he has decided he misses me, but is unsure if it just because he's lonely. he realized he never really tried in our relationship, and has promised to try, if we end up trying again. i am not holding out hope for this to happen, even though its all i want. i have mentally prepped myself for him to decide he was just lonely and everything is really over. it will hurt so badly if i don't prepare myself for it. if we do decide to try (which won't be for a couple of months) it will be taken really slowly and if i see no changes from where we were when all of this went down, i'll walk away

so i have been baking to try to take my mind off of everything and the saying "it's better when made with love" is completely true in my case. i feel pretty lame, because i've always been able to bake with no problem, and now i can't seem to make things work. i made two separate batches of cinnamon rolls, and both times they didn't turn out. they didn't rise, so the first ones were very small and dense (tasted almost like i had used pie dough) and so i checked the yeast for activity the second time, had active yeast, and they still didn't rise. i feel kinda broken. i can't even do the one thing i'm good at. i think i'm going to attempt to make some spritz cookies today, i don't know how but i'll probably mess those up too.

not that it matters if me baking gets all wonky, as i still can't really eat, and therefore have gone down a pants size in the last week and a half. i guess that's something to look at as a positive