ceremony

ah, the comedy of errors that is my life. i never know whether to laugh or cry. i usually laugh but now i think i just want to smoke all the rest of my cigarettes.

i also have no fucking clue how to tell people how i feel about them. it hasn't been a problem for me in a long time, especially in an environment such as new college. but this boy is younger and although he's probably the least intimidating person i've ever been drawn to, i am incredibly intimidated and just cannot find the balls to say, "hey, i have a crush on you and i don't think that the feeling is completely one-sided." i am pretty fucking sure that he's attracted to me too. and he found the way to my heart through mix cds and just being overall adorable, and yet...i don't know. i guess i feel that my heart could really be at stake with this one.

then again, i think that about most people eventually.

but goddammit i wish he'd just make a move. i have a thing where i'll be the first to flirt (although i'm awful at it) but the first physical move is his. i can't do the pursuing all the time. and while he was visiting new college with his mom as he is a prospective deciding between here and UF, something could have happened. i did get some pretty long, pretty good hugs, but i need more affection than that.

additionally i have two papers due this week (technically at least) and my feet are all bandaged up from the disgusting (and fun to pop) fluid-filled heat blisters that i somehow received from my black heels. damn you, cute shoes!

i'm going to go listen to the unbearably cute mix he made me (again) and mope some more. shit, guys, i need love in my life again. i really do.