finding out that i've wasted the past month and a half or so of my life on someone who really didn't deserve my time or effort or caring sucked. being woken up from a nap expressly for this news flash was probably even worse.
i need to stop making these sorts of mistakes with people i date. as in, i need to stop picking people that don't have their shit together and/or aren't complete fucktards.
i'm still pissed off by this turn of events, but in the aftermath i found out that i really do have friends that are available for me to turn to in times of emotional turmoil. i shouldn't have been so surprised, but some of that outreach came from fairly unexpected places. comforting conversations and explorations and giggles and coffee and dates for meals and trips to kilwin's have come out of the woodwork and i can't say i'm not grateful for all of the beautiful and amazing people that have kept me so busy and, dare i say it, entertained and distracted for the day. although nothing makes me feel any better about calling my mother at 2am while sobbing. i can't forgive anyone or anything that drives me to do that.
also i have been smoking like a veritable chimney and should probably quit that before it gets really uncontrollable.
at any rate, dave should be arriving on friday afternoon to spend the weekend (or the day, or through saturday, or whatever), and Annikki should be driving up on saturday afternoon. that's something to look forward to, especially once my russian midterm is complete.
speaking of russian, i have it at 10am so i should get to bed. but at least the school aspect of my life is going fairly well; i pretty strongly satted my first varieties of modern judaism paper, with my professor adding at the end, "nice paper. i look forward to more."
i guess that, in a lot of respects, i'm doing okay. mostly i just wished that i didn't keep wasting my fucking time and that maybe, one day, someone will let me love them and perhaps feel some sort of affection in return.
now to sleep, perchance to dream. and try to forget that my bed is cold and empty. hopefully the next person to occupy it will be worth the effort.
i need to stop making these sorts of mistakes with people i date. as in, i need to stop picking people that don't have their shit together and/or aren't complete fucktards.
i'm still pissed off by this turn of events, but in the aftermath i found out that i really do have friends that are available for me to turn to in times of emotional turmoil. i shouldn't have been so surprised, but some of that outreach came from fairly unexpected places. comforting conversations and explorations and giggles and coffee and dates for meals and trips to kilwin's have come out of the woodwork and i can't say i'm not grateful for all of the beautiful and amazing people that have kept me so busy and, dare i say it, entertained and distracted for the day. although nothing makes me feel any better about calling my mother at 2am while sobbing. i can't forgive anyone or anything that drives me to do that.
also i have been smoking like a veritable chimney and should probably quit that before it gets really uncontrollable.
at any rate, dave should be arriving on friday afternoon to spend the weekend (or the day, or through saturday, or whatever), and Annikki should be driving up on saturday afternoon. that's something to look forward to, especially once my russian midterm is complete.
speaking of russian, i have it at 10am so i should get to bed. but at least the school aspect of my life is going fairly well; i pretty strongly satted my first varieties of modern judaism paper, with my professor adding at the end, "nice paper. i look forward to more."
i guess that, in a lot of respects, i'm doing okay. mostly i just wished that i didn't keep wasting my fucking time and that maybe, one day, someone will let me love them and perhaps feel some sort of affection in return.
now to sleep, perchance to dream. and try to forget that my bed is cold and empty. hopefully the next person to occupy it will be worth the effort.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
heavyhitterlarry:
you are not alone in having that happen to you. don't waste any time thinking about him or the failed relationship. you will find a nice guy that will love you and treat you the way you deserve. can't promise it will happen soon, but it will happen eventually.
annikki:
Countdown ughhh... *calculates*... 15 hours! Yaaaaaay!