This is a long story...I hope that you will understand that my venting will help me cope. I don't know if it will, but I want some form of validation, and a pornography website seems as good a place as any.
You know...I've never had a boyfriend, excepting the two weeks in summer school before my sophomore year of high school. I've only ever made out with a few people; for a long time I thought I was asexual and loved it; previously, I would have painful crushes. I liked living for myself and no one else. But it only lasts so long.
I am a student at Ohio University, and my freshman year I met several people online. One was a guy named Jasen; that relationship ended frightfully and maybe it's for another day, another blog. It makes me cry though, so help me, won't you?
Anyway, I searched MySpace to display bisexual female within 50 miles of my zip code. It only showed up with six people; one of them was Hannah.
I forgot who messaged whom, but we began talking. We expressed a mutual desire to meet, and she actually came into my town on a school field trip (she was 17). We talked outside the Chinese restaurant. She was so beautiful.
We flirted, and finally I asked her out. She was very happy, she said, and felt like dancing; she was going out with the hot college chick. I was very happy too.
But it ended badly. I kept texting her, thinking...I don't know if I'm ready for this. She stopped answering my texts, and I panicked. Was I losing her already?
I was.
She said that she didn't like the flipping back and forth.
A few weeks ago, I sent her a message on Facebook. I told her that I hadn't had sex with anyone since I met her, and thought about her all the time and just letting her know how I felt. I really did feel that she was the right one, at least for now.
She replied, expressing confusion. I asked if I was out of line, if I had creeped her out. She said no...which was a relief. But was she telling the truth? I'm two years her senior.
Hannah's reply was that she was still strongly physically attracted to me. I was thinking...well, there's a start.
The next week, her friends from her old high school were acting in a play. She invited me along, and it was a long, long day ending in me not seeing Hannah. I was so disappointed.
However, Hannah has moved from her home 20 minutes out of town to another place two hours away from my hometown. She said that it would be difficult to meet. This is true. Will I ever see her again?
But that's not all of it. I have decided on one last hurrah to see if I am still attracted to men. I've decided on a candidate for a hit-and-quit; nothing wrong with getting your rocks off, as Keely said.
My problem is this. I have had boy toys in the past, never really been sexually attracted to them though. All of my boy toys have been german (of german-american descent). I'm not really into germans...more like Italians, and nerds. I don't like muscles, natural or tanned dark skin.
So basically, I have a while before I can snare Hannah again, but I'm thinking I should do the hit and quit first, simply because I haven't had sex in 18 months, and with Hannah, it probably wouldn't matter. But with a guy, that should be totally awesome.
That's all for now.
Cheers.
-ceiba
You know...I've never had a boyfriend, excepting the two weeks in summer school before my sophomore year of high school. I've only ever made out with a few people; for a long time I thought I was asexual and loved it; previously, I would have painful crushes. I liked living for myself and no one else. But it only lasts so long.
I am a student at Ohio University, and my freshman year I met several people online. One was a guy named Jasen; that relationship ended frightfully and maybe it's for another day, another blog. It makes me cry though, so help me, won't you?
Anyway, I searched MySpace to display bisexual female within 50 miles of my zip code. It only showed up with six people; one of them was Hannah.
I forgot who messaged whom, but we began talking. We expressed a mutual desire to meet, and she actually came into my town on a school field trip (she was 17). We talked outside the Chinese restaurant. She was so beautiful.
We flirted, and finally I asked her out. She was very happy, she said, and felt like dancing; she was going out with the hot college chick. I was very happy too.
But it ended badly. I kept texting her, thinking...I don't know if I'm ready for this. She stopped answering my texts, and I panicked. Was I losing her already?
I was.
She said that she didn't like the flipping back and forth.
A few weeks ago, I sent her a message on Facebook. I told her that I hadn't had sex with anyone since I met her, and thought about her all the time and just letting her know how I felt. I really did feel that she was the right one, at least for now.
She replied, expressing confusion. I asked if I was out of line, if I had creeped her out. She said no...which was a relief. But was she telling the truth? I'm two years her senior.
Hannah's reply was that she was still strongly physically attracted to me. I was thinking...well, there's a start.
The next week, her friends from her old high school were acting in a play. She invited me along, and it was a long, long day ending in me not seeing Hannah. I was so disappointed.
However, Hannah has moved from her home 20 minutes out of town to another place two hours away from my hometown. She said that it would be difficult to meet. This is true. Will I ever see her again?
But that's not all of it. I have decided on one last hurrah to see if I am still attracted to men. I've decided on a candidate for a hit-and-quit; nothing wrong with getting your rocks off, as Keely said.
My problem is this. I have had boy toys in the past, never really been sexually attracted to them though. All of my boy toys have been german (of german-american descent). I'm not really into germans...more like Italians, and nerds. I don't like muscles, natural or tanned dark skin.
So basically, I have a while before I can snare Hannah again, but I'm thinking I should do the hit and quit first, simply because I haven't had sex in 18 months, and with Hannah, it probably wouldn't matter. But with a guy, that should be totally awesome.
That's all for now.
Cheers.
-ceiba
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I actually DO meet a lot of people, but somehow they all end up being christians or taken. And...I think you may be right. I just can't accept that right now.
It's been a really long time. But what can I do? I meet people easily, but I never follow through. I try, though.
Nothing in my life makes sense anymore.