Current Music: Brazilian Girls - "All We Have"
Current Mood: Defeated
I started the day on the right side of the bed (and I suppose the only side of the bed I can, unless I scooted out the foot of it)...I was awake upon awakening--if you know what I mean--and ready to be productive. I checked a few emails and set about my day. I travelled far and wide for a job today. I drove 30 miles in two different directions (there are only four, you know, and there isn't much of anything more than 5 or so miles south of me, so that leaves us with three practical job-searching directions). I was optimistic. As I was in the turn lane to get on the highway, in fact, I saw a homeless man I see quite often. I shut my turn signal off and headed straight instead, for two miles or so, to a Subway and I bought a sandwhich. Upon returning to the intersection, I gave it to him. He looked actually grateful for it, which seems obvious, but I promise it is not. That last time I saw a stranger so genuinely grateful for something I had given them was about 4 years ago...but that's a story for another time.
My mother, as much of a witch with a capital B though she may generally be (though who am I to judge such things, having not fallen so far from the tree of cynicism?), always did tell me growing up that if a person was just determined enough--if one put enough will, enough Power into that willpower stuff, then anything could be accomplished, within the rights of that person. And of course everyone knows your rights extend to wherever mine begin. "The limits on your abilities are distant", she would say. She had said.
My poor mother (very literally, as she is a teacher by trade), she must have been mistaken. I've been thoroughly unemployed since November, and actively looking, to boot. After today, after being turned down beofre an application was even fille dout (twice, mind you), I'm not so sure of her words. I'm not so sure of myself. What if I really can't "do it?" I thought on the way home. Maybe it was the Johnny Cash in my ears--I switched to the upbeat only musically Rilo Kiley. No, changing CDs did not give me a job or hope.
But in the end I am still myself. I still see the light at the end of the tunnel and it can't be a train, because these tracks haven't been used in years. So maybe I'm just saving up good karma? I cannot wait for it to pay off.
*************************************************
FUCK THIS SHIT. I am sorry. Here my post was about to get happier and optimistic and I am interrupted by a phone call from my mother and what does she have to say?
"do you have a job yet?"
"Well I went around today. I'm going to go again tomorrow after class, but--"
"you know, I just don't think you are going to get ajob. Maybe you should take a break from school and move."
"No, I don't think that's a good ide--"
"I'm serious. You should takje out a loan and move back to south florida. You can find work here."
"mom, I'm trying to be optimistic, please don't tell me that..."
"I don't think you've been optimistic at all. Why don't you have a job?"
Current mood: I almost broke my window with my computer chair, and I'm not kidding.
Current Music: Ralph Stanley - "O Death"
I'm going to put on my Adidas and start walking. I'll end up...somewhere...eventually,
Goodbye.
Current Mood: Defeated
I started the day on the right side of the bed (and I suppose the only side of the bed I can, unless I scooted out the foot of it)...I was awake upon awakening--if you know what I mean--and ready to be productive. I checked a few emails and set about my day. I travelled far and wide for a job today. I drove 30 miles in two different directions (there are only four, you know, and there isn't much of anything more than 5 or so miles south of me, so that leaves us with three practical job-searching directions). I was optimistic. As I was in the turn lane to get on the highway, in fact, I saw a homeless man I see quite often. I shut my turn signal off and headed straight instead, for two miles or so, to a Subway and I bought a sandwhich. Upon returning to the intersection, I gave it to him. He looked actually grateful for it, which seems obvious, but I promise it is not. That last time I saw a stranger so genuinely grateful for something I had given them was about 4 years ago...but that's a story for another time.
My mother, as much of a witch with a capital B though she may generally be (though who am I to judge such things, having not fallen so far from the tree of cynicism?), always did tell me growing up that if a person was just determined enough--if one put enough will, enough Power into that willpower stuff, then anything could be accomplished, within the rights of that person. And of course everyone knows your rights extend to wherever mine begin. "The limits on your abilities are distant", she would say. She had said.
My poor mother (very literally, as she is a teacher by trade), she must have been mistaken. I've been thoroughly unemployed since November, and actively looking, to boot. After today, after being turned down beofre an application was even fille dout (twice, mind you), I'm not so sure of her words. I'm not so sure of myself. What if I really can't "do it?" I thought on the way home. Maybe it was the Johnny Cash in my ears--I switched to the upbeat only musically Rilo Kiley. No, changing CDs did not give me a job or hope.
But in the end I am still myself. I still see the light at the end of the tunnel and it can't be a train, because these tracks haven't been used in years. So maybe I'm just saving up good karma? I cannot wait for it to pay off.
*************************************************
FUCK THIS SHIT. I am sorry. Here my post was about to get happier and optimistic and I am interrupted by a phone call from my mother and what does she have to say?
"do you have a job yet?"
"Well I went around today. I'm going to go again tomorrow after class, but--"
"you know, I just don't think you are going to get ajob. Maybe you should take a break from school and move."
"No, I don't think that's a good ide--"
"I'm serious. You should takje out a loan and move back to south florida. You can find work here."
"mom, I'm trying to be optimistic, please don't tell me that..."
"I don't think you've been optimistic at all. Why don't you have a job?"
Current mood: I almost broke my window with my computer chair, and I'm not kidding.
Current Music: Ralph Stanley - "O Death"
I'm going to put on my Adidas and start walking. I'll end up...somewhere...eventually,
Goodbye.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
but dont worry. you are fricken awesome and sooner or later you'll find the right job that pays the bills and makes you happy.
I was only kidding of course, no prostitution is needed, I know you'll get a job soon. You're talented, funny, smart, adorable, and a hardworking little lady, and we all know that sometimes mama's don't know what they're talking about, I'll keep my ears open for work and let you know if I hear of anything.