cecelia

You know, it doesn't seem to matter where I go, or what I do, I just can't seem to get and/or keep friends.

I thought about it a lot tonight.

Let's take a look at my situation:
*I have a best friend. She and I were in high school organizations together, and have been best friends since early junior high. But since she graduated and became a big shot in the corporate world, we don't talk much.
*My high school classmate girlfriends are all back near my hometown and they are very clicky. Seems as though once a friend leaves the state, they stop caring (except on my birthday, at least I get a couple calls once a year....).
*My groupie of friends that I hung out with throughout high school (til they all graduated before me) still keeps in touch. Lucky for me, Wren became an SG, thus prompting LyloniJade and I to membership. We keep in touch that way. And that's cool with me. LyloniJade brought this point up to me one day: Even though we don't speak or see each other more than a couple times a year, we're the kind of friends that can still pick up without awkwardness. And I think that's cool.
*Speaking of SG, this is a new category for me: SG friends. People I've met on SG that I got closer to than others. I like that, those friendships are cool...but only if you're really active in them. I've felt like the odd man out my whole life and unfortunately, it's no different here.
*Moving right along....I've not had a job in the Twin Cities long enough to get close to anyone. And the very few that I did keep in touch with at my job last summer, aren't really friend anymore. Haven't talked for months.
*I got denied admittance into the U of MN. So that takes care of school friends. I was involved in a women's fraternity for about a year on campus, but just before initiation, they told me I was ineligible due to my non-student status. So all the friendships I made there are now gone.....they don't want to hang out with me now that I'm not in their group and don't see them at school on a daily basis.
*Mutual friends with my significant other: He and I have a complicated history of break-ups and getting back together, and then throw babies and bills and shit into the mix and we're just plain messed up. Doing better after the being-cheated-on incident, but that doesn't mean his friends care for me at all. They don't. I know this. They hate me. They wanted to see him end up with the slob he cheated on me with. So, fuck them.
*I've got other things I do randomly; mommy and baby group, summer choirs, friends from my adoption experience, etc etc etc. But none of these friendships are close. They are random and I don't see or talk to these people often either.

Basically, I never get a chance to get close to people and I think that sucks. I'm too far away, distance-wise, or I don't allow myself to get close to work people since I never keep a job long, or I'm just plain rejected.

I'm getting really sick of this actually.

Just needed to rant.