cbmatt

I haven't written anything on here in a long while. This, of course, means a lot of things have happened. But I will do my best to summarize everything. It's hard trying to find a good place to start. Let's see...last time I wrote in here, we had a bad night with Nathan and Rachel, and I was still trying to make plans with Christine. Well, the whole thing with Christine didn't work out. That doesn't mean things went badly; not at all. I just got tired of trying to get ahold of her, so I stopped calling. And she never called me, so I eventually forgot about her. That's about it. No big deal. The Nathan and Rachel situation, however, did go badly. It was Mike's plan to steal Rachel from Nathan, and he was successful. Very successful. While they were talking, it was realized that Nathan was telling lies and using lines to try to get her into bed so he could lose his virginity. This was about the time we all started to discover what a terrible person he is. I'll go into further detail later. First, I'll finish telling this story. Anyway, he's out of the picture now. But so is Mike. Things were going well for them. They were hanging out a lot, they talked on the phone constantly, they ditched me and made me wait outside in the cold so they could dry-hump, they were buying each other gifts. Everything was working out. However, they weren't having sex, and this apparently wasn't a good thing. Looking back, this is very funny to me.

Somewhere around Christmas, things started going downhill a little. It was bad enough that she lives down in Bakersfield and he lives up here in this backwoods valley. Plus, Mike finally started realizing what a bad personality she has, and he eventually got to the point of not liking her anymore. But he didn't want to dump her because she got him a bunch of stuff for Christmas. All he gave her was a book and a mix CD he made (with my help) after a Violent Femmes concert a few days after the holiday. Oh yeah, we got to see Violent Femmes. It was my present to him (along with a cool t-shirt; he got me a book). The show was fucking awesome. I hated the audience so much and wanted to fight them. Other than all of the hot soccer moms who have been fans since back when the band was actually popular, they were all just a bunch of drunk teenagers. It was one of those theaters where plays are normally held, and these kids were trying to mosh in the goddamn aisles. The broke (or maybe just sprained) a woman's ankles when they knocked her down the steps. And they were smoking the marijuana. I'm so old. Anyway...I didn't find this out until towards the end of December, but Mike had been having sex with our friend Julie. I was upset about this for a little while because I think I was started to develop somewhat of a crush on her and he knew it, but that's done and over with. It doesn't matter anymore. So, Mike had been cheating on Rachel for a large portion of the time they dated. Right in the middle of January, Rachel called to say that she slept with one of Nathan's friends and that it was worth it. Then Mike told her about Julie and sort of rubbed it in her face. It's safe to say that they didn't end their relationship on good terms. There's a little more to this little saga, but first, I want to jump back just a little bit.

I had a very interesting New Year celebration. And by that, I mean "very depressing and traumatizing". The bad part actually happened the night before. My friend Taylor was going down to the Whittier and La Habra area (where she's from), and she wanted me to go along. Because I didn't want to go, I suggested that she invite Nathan instead. This was before either of us started hating him. After she invited him, he got excited and started talking about performing songs and basically got me excited about going. That's very unfortunate. Things were going well at first, but that didn't last long at all. Taylor has a friend named Jen; we were supposed to stay at her place with her and her fianc. But the place was fucking disgusting. When we turned on the kitchen light, the cockroaches didn't even bother with running. It was horribly unhealthy. So, we called Tammy (another friend of Taylor's, and a girl I've had a previous encounter with) and asked to stay at her place. When we got there, Tammy and Taylor immediately started drinking. Nathan didn't drink because he's supposedly straightedge, and I drank very little because I wasn't really in the mood. Being drunk probably would have saved my night somewhat. It wasn't bad at first; we were all just hanging out and I cuddled with Taylor a little. But she is determined to get me to lose my virginity to one of her friends, so she told Tammy to give me a lapdance. That was fine. In fact, I even enjoyed it to an extent (my lack of enthusiasm is contributed to her being very unattractive, having a terrible personality, and the fact that she's drunk herself stupid). She pulled her top up so I could play with her breasts and suck on her nipples and whatnot, and I wasn't having too bad of a time. Then things moved on from just groping.

Taylor was practically an instructor during this. She told me to lie back and, because I was caught up in the moment, I did what she said. Tammy went down with me. For awhile, things kept going at about the same pace. Well, except that we were also dry-humping at this point. It was more like mean, vindictive sex, though. The bed was against the wall, and we moved it into the middle of her bedroom. She's like a fucking animal, and I don't mean that in a good way. Then we made out a little. We tried, anyway. I'm not experienced at all. In fact, I've never actually made out with a girl before. That aside, though, I still know what to do. She didn't. She's had plenty of experience, but she seemed to have no idea what the fuck she was doing. Basically, she thrashed her tongue around in my mouth and jammed it down my throat. I have a bad gag-reflex (I almost vomit whenever I brush my teeth), so I almost threw up several times. It actually gave me a sore throat. At this point, I didn't want to be there anymore. I asked her to get off of me, but she ignored me, and I couldn't force her off of me. All I could do was play possum and take it. Then she started licking my eyes. From what I've been told, this is apparently a Mexican thing. Quite frankly, I don't get it. I can say from experience that it isn't fun or attractive. And sadly, that wasn't the worst part. Tammy eventually moved her way up and put her crotch in my face. That's when I was hit with the most disgusting smell. It was like a combination of ass, armpit odor, and wet cat. That's putting it nicely. I almost vomited on her vagina. It gets worse...

I wanted to get up and get the hell out of there, but I was in a position that prevented me from doing so. And I couldn't just relax because that smell was really getting to me and she was extremely intent on being eaten out. This is when I had to finally stop playing possum and just go into badger mode. It was kill or be killed. She had me cornered, and I was ready to fight. So, I finger-banged her. It was all I could fucking think of. She was as damp as a cellar. What makes it worse is that Taylor (who was still in the room, along with Nathan) later told me that Tammy had her hands up against the wall to support herself. As soon as she got a little bit of pleasure and moved somewhat, I got the fuck out of the bed and ran into the bathroom, pulling Nathan in with me. No amount of washing could get the smell off of my hand or face. While I tried explaining everything to Nathan and Taylor, Tammy was cleaning up her room to get ready for me. I was feeling a little desperate at this point. And instead of being supportive, my supposed friends told me to just go in there to at least get a blowjob. That wasn't going to happen, even if I wanted it to. There was no way I would've been able to maintain or even achieve an erection after that. But, somehow, I ended up back in the bedroom. By myself, this time. Tammy was waiting in the bed for me and as I approached her, I did my best to come up with a plan. I came up completely empty. When I got to the bed, I discovered that she had passed out, and I was so fucking thankful. After she woke up, all she did was ask me to help her put her pants back on. I was so glad when we finally left that place. Unfortunately, I had to spend most of the day in my dirty sex clothes, and I was extremely depressed. So far, that has been the worst night I have ever had. It totally beats my horrible bus ride I had to Oklahoma back in May.

Thankfully, the majority of the rest of my weekend was decent. Of course, it couldn't really get much worse from there. I'm so glad I didn't lose my virginity to that skank. For a couple of weeks, I was convinced that she gave me herpes or warts. In the movie Gummo, there's a scene with two boys pretending to kill another boy in pink bunny ears. They then scream obscenities at his body like "This rabbit smells like shit! He smells like pussy! He smells like an asshole!" But for the longest time, my friends and I thought the boy said "He smells like The Alamo!" Because of that, we often say that things smell like The Alamo. Thanks to her horrible smell (and the fact that she's Mexican), we refer to Tammy strictly as The Alamo. To some people, that's the only name they know her by. I didn't find out until later that day, but something else happened at The Alamo's house. While I was dealing with my situation, Nathan was taking advantage of Taylor. She was pretty much wasted at this point, and because he's straightedge, he was completely sober. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but he actually got her to drink more. It didn't add up, but I wasn't in the right state of mind. Only hours after doing this, he was a complete asshole to her because she rejected him, even in her drunken state. I almost beat the shit out of the little fucker. Especially during the following days. Taylor went into a deep depression, and I followed. I was already depressed because of my own experience, but her depression just fueled mine. I even contemplated suicide at one point. Well, I almost always do. But I seriously considered actually going through with it. I started popping pills; all kinds of pills. To this day, I'm still considered a pill-popper. I've also been reduced to occasional self-mutilation. That is a more recent development, though. I've been extremely depressed lately, and old habits are starting to return.

Back to Nathan... I think I've already given enough reason for why I think he's an asshole. But there's a little bit more. When he was dating Rachel, he was very determined to lose his virginity to her. As soon as they broke up, he moved onto Caitlin, a girl he worked with at Vons. This was in the middle of December. About a week before that horrible weekend, he announced that he had lost his virginity to Caitlin. He had been losing fans, but everyone was still really happy for him. And I baked him a great cake, because that's the deal we all have with each other. Whenever somebody loses their virginity, they get a cake. You lose something, you gain something. So, I baked him a cake and gave to him at his work, and he was very grateful. Everything was going well. He was still loved by me. Obviously, I wasn't a big fan of his after the New Year weekend. And I couldn't tell many people because of Taylor's husband, but he was losing fans quickly. This is still a continuing trend. Around the same time as the break-up between Mike and Rachel, Nathan cheated on Caitlin with some guy's girlfriend, who also happened to be a cousin of our friend Dallas. Only a few days afterwards, Nathan went away to some stupid bible college in San Dimas, which was great because he was finally out of our lives. And before leaving, he confessed that he actually lost his virginity to someone before Caitlin and he had been too embarrassed to tell anyone (must've been a girl like The Alamo). This created more angst against that liar. And just on Sunday, I discovered that he never even had sex with Caitlin. In fact, they never actually dated. They only went on two dates, the first of which barely counts, according to her. Also, she's never spent the night at his house; she doesn't know where he lives. He made the whole thing up just to get some attention. Fuck him so much. I hate that son of a bitch, and I'm currently doing what I can to get everyone to turn against him. If he ever comes back, I don't want him to feel welcome.

And now, I can finish talking about the whole thing with Mike and Julie. Mike is a really bad person, especially when it comes to girls. He's very manipulative and he is driven by sex. He has ditched me many times for girls. It's one of the things I hate most about him. Julie and I have become somewhat close, so I've been trying to get her to end things with him because I don't want her to become attached. There's no way they can keep it all casual. I think I've actually had at least a small amount of influence in recent events. On Mike's birthday (the end of January), Julie didn't stay over at Mike's house, and he was really upset because he didn't get laid. He almost stopped talking to her because of it. As far as I know, they still haven't had sex. A little over a week ago, Julie invited her friend Kyle from Los Angeles to come up and stay with her for the weekend (he couldn't come). Mike didn't find out about it until the end of the week, and he was pissed. He was even more pissed when I found out that I knew about it the whole time. Then our friend Alex told him that Julie is in love with Kyle. I can't vouch for the validity of this statement. I've always known that she has feelings for Kyle, but I don't know if she's in love with him. Anyway, this pissed Mike off even more. He practically hates Julie now. Not only does she have feelings for someone who isn't him, she didn't tell him. But it was because she's been so busy with a bunch of drama involving her ex-boyfriend Jeremiah. Of course, Mike automatically assumes that she's lying to him, hiding things from him, and avoiding him. So, he's really upset. They're supposed to have a talk soon and after they do, they probably won't have sex anymore. If that's the case, they also won't be very close friends. It's Mike's fault for expecting her to act like his girlfriend and comply to his every wish. And, as usual, I'm stuck in the middle of the whole fucking thing. I'm torn between two of my closest friends, and it sucks. But it should all be over soon.

In other depressing news, Taylor is moving down to La Habra sometime this week. She's one of my only actual friends. After this, I'll be down to just two: Mike and Julie (and Mike and I hardly ever get along). This fucking sucks. I want to hang out with her as much as I can before she moves, but I haven't been having much luck getting ahold of her. I'm going to try again after I go to class. Oh, I finally have a license now. I got it last month, I think. It took me forever to finally go down to DMV and just take the damn test. Also, I started a band. Actually, it's a rap group. Well, it's more of a rap duo. It's just Mike and me. We call ourselves The Cat Boys; he is MC No Friends, and I am MC Tooth. He used Necromancy to raise our DJ from the dead, and I used Alchemy to turn my grandmother's dialysis machine into a turntable. DJ Blargh is credited for making our beats, but it's really just me. We broke up after our first week. Then we got back together. And right now, we're on hiatus. That's why we still only have one song. We competed on <a href="http://www.songfight.org">Song Fight</a> and got third place, which isn't too bad. I competed with a DJ Blargh song last week and got third place. It's better than I expected, considering that people don't usually like instrumentals. Other than all of this shit I've been rambling on about, not much has happened. I've been pretty busy, though. That's a first for me. I usually have nothing but free time. I'm supposed to say that school is going well, but it isn't. I'm not getting financial aid this semester, and I have to drop two of my classes to have any hope of getting good grades. Oh well, at least I'll get financial aid again. Like I mentioned earlier, I've been really depressed lately. More depressed than usual. I'm on the verge of having a breakdown. I'll be sure to write about it when it happens.