I've been sitting around for about thirty minutes now, thinking of stories I want to write, stories I want to continue, stories I want to start over.
I've thought of nothing at all.
When I was in middle school, I was the girl who always had a book in her hand--and not some flimsy hundred-pager about high school angst or god knows what else, but heavy hardbacks and thick paperbacks that I tore through in days, or savored over weeks. I loved books. And I loved to write. I was bursting with ideas.
Then I discovered Pern fandom.
My creativity has yet to recover from the stall.
I don't blame Anne McCaffrey. I don't even blame the particular fandom. It seems to me, though, that becoming so heavily ensconced in one world was--for me--the near-fatal blow that wiped clean all of my other ideas. All I thought about, essentially from ages 14 to... oh, 16 or so, was Pern. And when it wasn't AS interesting, it was still the only fandom I inhabited until... well, the last few years, really. And somewhere, all of my ideas about dinosaurs and telepaths and interstellar travel and who knows what else have been erased or forgotten or written off as stupid. This seems to be the nature of having an obsession with only one fandom; though it's possible to develop good style through roleplaying, or fics, or whatever, it's hard to hold on to all the other stuff when it sits on the backburner for so many years.
Thus, I am stagnant; I find myself with nothing. Every idea I think of is too general, or doesn't enthuse me, or whatever.
A sample conversation with myself:
Well, hey, telepathy is neat.
Yes. Yes, it is.
Okay, well, let's write about that.
...that's awfully broad, wouldn't you say?
Well, yeah... but I don't know where to get specific from there.
What ABOUT telepathy would you like to write about?
...um.
Because you know you need to have some sort of conflict that drives the story, right?
Right. Yes. I know that. Of course I know that.
So... what kind of conflict would you like to have?
I don't know. A personal conflict? Someone dealing with coming into their own as a telepath in a society that doesn't believe in them?
Okay. Okay, that's a good start. Let's--
...but that's been done. It's so adolescent and cliche.
Yeah, but you could still--
I don't like it. I don't know what to do with it.
Couldn't you--
No.
What about--
I don't think so.
But maybe--
Doesn't turn me on.
Couldn't you--
Unlikely.
Oh.
Yeah.
I can only seem to think in really broad terms. Telepath versus self. Telepath versus society. Telepath versus both. What does that mean? Who are the people in this person's life? When and how do they discover this ability? What do they do with it? Are there others like them? If there are, do I write about them, too? If not, why not? What's the ultimate goal of the story? Is there a thing they're trying to achieve? What is it?
Or for a space drama sort of thing. Am I focusing on one person or lots? How much space do I want to dedicate to the building of a colonial society?
Do I even care?
I find that I don't. Care, I mean. I'm not attached or dedicated to anything I come up with. The mere thought of writing more than a few pages exhausts me. I don't know what KIND of characters I want, or where these stories take place, or anything, anything at all. And god damn, it's frustrating.
If someone wants to suggest something? Please. For the love of little green apples. I need to write SOMETHING, anything. I find that I really, really want to write some sort of character-driven story--even a short one--but I don't know how or where I want to set it, or even, on a really, really basic level, what it should be about. Christ, I'd even write just a sex or a love scene if I thought I could make it interesting.
I just can't seem to get energized.
I've thought of nothing at all.
When I was in middle school, I was the girl who always had a book in her hand--and not some flimsy hundred-pager about high school angst or god knows what else, but heavy hardbacks and thick paperbacks that I tore through in days, or savored over weeks. I loved books. And I loved to write. I was bursting with ideas.
Then I discovered Pern fandom.
My creativity has yet to recover from the stall.
I don't blame Anne McCaffrey. I don't even blame the particular fandom. It seems to me, though, that becoming so heavily ensconced in one world was--for me--the near-fatal blow that wiped clean all of my other ideas. All I thought about, essentially from ages 14 to... oh, 16 or so, was Pern. And when it wasn't AS interesting, it was still the only fandom I inhabited until... well, the last few years, really. And somewhere, all of my ideas about dinosaurs and telepaths and interstellar travel and who knows what else have been erased or forgotten or written off as stupid. This seems to be the nature of having an obsession with only one fandom; though it's possible to develop good style through roleplaying, or fics, or whatever, it's hard to hold on to all the other stuff when it sits on the backburner for so many years.
Thus, I am stagnant; I find myself with nothing. Every idea I think of is too general, or doesn't enthuse me, or whatever.
A sample conversation with myself:
Well, hey, telepathy is neat.
Yes. Yes, it is.
Okay, well, let's write about that.
...that's awfully broad, wouldn't you say?
Well, yeah... but I don't know where to get specific from there.
What ABOUT telepathy would you like to write about?
...um.
Because you know you need to have some sort of conflict that drives the story, right?
Right. Yes. I know that. Of course I know that.
So... what kind of conflict would you like to have?
I don't know. A personal conflict? Someone dealing with coming into their own as a telepath in a society that doesn't believe in them?
Okay. Okay, that's a good start. Let's--
...but that's been done. It's so adolescent and cliche.
Yeah, but you could still--
I don't like it. I don't know what to do with it.
Couldn't you--
No.
What about--
I don't think so.
But maybe--
Doesn't turn me on.
Couldn't you--
Unlikely.
Oh.
Yeah.
I can only seem to think in really broad terms. Telepath versus self. Telepath versus society. Telepath versus both. What does that mean? Who are the people in this person's life? When and how do they discover this ability? What do they do with it? Are there others like them? If there are, do I write about them, too? If not, why not? What's the ultimate goal of the story? Is there a thing they're trying to achieve? What is it?
Or for a space drama sort of thing. Am I focusing on one person or lots? How much space do I want to dedicate to the building of a colonial society?
Do I even care?
I find that I don't. Care, I mean. I'm not attached or dedicated to anything I come up with. The mere thought of writing more than a few pages exhausts me. I don't know what KIND of characters I want, or where these stories take place, or anything, anything at all. And god damn, it's frustrating.
If someone wants to suggest something? Please. For the love of little green apples. I need to write SOMETHING, anything. I find that I really, really want to write some sort of character-driven story--even a short one--but I don't know how or where I want to set it, or even, on a really, really basic level, what it should be about. Christ, I'd even write just a sex or a love scene if I thought I could make it interesting.
I just can't seem to get energized.