This is an old one - but it really describes a little of what I'm thinking about now. I wasn't nearly this shattered when I wrote it, but then again - I didn't know that then.
So you think you know your friends. Especially the ones oldest and dearest to you, you know, the ones that you actually care about? But, you know I am beginning to think that maybe we never really know anyone, even ourselves. After all everyone has said "I can't believe I did that". So, if we were more familiar with ourselves would we be so surprised? Or if we thought we were tough enough to take on as many hurts as we had to just to make it through life? And then we find that just because you're tough enough doesn't mean that you come out unscathed? What then? Just because you don't shatter like glass doesn't mean that little pieces aren't chipped away. Tiny little fragments of our innocence and hope. Does that make less of our souls, or more? Does "I thought I knew" make a difference in the end? Does it make the hurt less or easier or the disappointment less earth shattering than it always seems at the time? Does "I must have been wrong" make the pain go away more quickly? Or is all that we can do for ourselves is gather up the fragments of our broken hearts and keep them close so that we may never forget the whole that we once were?
So you think you know your friends. Especially the ones oldest and dearest to you, you know, the ones that you actually care about? But, you know I am beginning to think that maybe we never really know anyone, even ourselves. After all everyone has said "I can't believe I did that". So, if we were more familiar with ourselves would we be so surprised? Or if we thought we were tough enough to take on as many hurts as we had to just to make it through life? And then we find that just because you're tough enough doesn't mean that you come out unscathed? What then? Just because you don't shatter like glass doesn't mean that little pieces aren't chipped away. Tiny little fragments of our innocence and hope. Does that make less of our souls, or more? Does "I thought I knew" make a difference in the end? Does it make the hurt less or easier or the disappointment less earth shattering than it always seems at the time? Does "I must have been wrong" make the pain go away more quickly? Or is all that we can do for ourselves is gather up the fragments of our broken hearts and keep them close so that we may never forget the whole that we once were?
i understand scattered too . . . it's just such a ridiculous shock and abrupt change. i was only with my bf for 2 and a half years when he skipped out on me . . . so i can't imagine how much harder this must be for you.
i hope that you can grow from this and make a new whole for yourself . . . i hope you just get stronger from this and don't put up with relationships with this type of guy anymore.
my lesson was about not letting myself get walked on anymore, demanding honesty and communication, and expecting more give and take in my relationships . . . as opposed to just my natural desire to just give. yes, i still have scars from that experience but they don't take away from who i am . . . they add to who i am. i think you will be able to see some of the silver lining after some time too.