they keep me grounded, they keep me sane, they help me keep life in perspective, they are love
i've learned a lot about myself this week. i've stayed calm and remained happy. i focused outward instead of inward. i went out of my way to make others happy without compromising my own happiness. i sat and held my grandma's hand and wondered how many more times i will have this opportunity. she cried a bit when we said good-bye last night. my grandpa sat and watched the world, not always understanding what he was seeing, but as long as he could see my grandma, he knew he was okay. he will be 96 in august and she will be 87 in october. these are precious times with them.
my older brother who hardly ever smiles anymore (not sure why) actually laughed a few times last night with the help of me and my sister. he's a good lookin' guy with a smile on his face. his sadness worries me.
my mother looks older every time i see her. she lets life get to her. she doesn't know how to relax or de-stress herself and it is aging her rapidly. i hate to see it. she has so much life ahead of her and she has no idea how to live it. she doesn't know how to do for herself, she has spent her whole life doing for others.
so much to think about coming off this week. my uncertain future doesn't scare me anymore. i don't want to go back to little rock, that is going to be the hardest thing. i feel there is nothing there for me. no history, no memories, nothing that makes it feel good, nothing that makes it feel like home. i have to start making memories there. i need to adjust my attitude. I need to open my eyes a little wider to notice what i haven't let myself see before. there is something there for me, if nothing but my children's happiness. my happiness will be found not in where i am, but in what i am doing with my life. i will find greatness in my life. i have a tote bag i got while working at The New Republic and it says simply "The pen is still mightier" with a stack of books...yes, my pen is very mighty!
i've learned a lot about myself this week. i've stayed calm and remained happy. i focused outward instead of inward. i went out of my way to make others happy without compromising my own happiness. i sat and held my grandma's hand and wondered how many more times i will have this opportunity. she cried a bit when we said good-bye last night. my grandpa sat and watched the world, not always understanding what he was seeing, but as long as he could see my grandma, he knew he was okay. he will be 96 in august and she will be 87 in october. these are precious times with them.
my older brother who hardly ever smiles anymore (not sure why) actually laughed a few times last night with the help of me and my sister. he's a good lookin' guy with a smile on his face. his sadness worries me.
my mother looks older every time i see her. she lets life get to her. she doesn't know how to relax or de-stress herself and it is aging her rapidly. i hate to see it. she has so much life ahead of her and she has no idea how to live it. she doesn't know how to do for herself, she has spent her whole life doing for others.
so much to think about coming off this week. my uncertain future doesn't scare me anymore. i don't want to go back to little rock, that is going to be the hardest thing. i feel there is nothing there for me. no history, no memories, nothing that makes it feel good, nothing that makes it feel like home. i have to start making memories there. i need to adjust my attitude. I need to open my eyes a little wider to notice what i haven't let myself see before. there is something there for me, if nothing but my children's happiness. my happiness will be found not in where i am, but in what i am doing with my life. i will find greatness in my life. i have a tote bag i got while working at The New Republic and it says simply "The pen is still mightier" with a stack of books...yes, my pen is very mighty!
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
waffle goodness
I and everyone I know are fine... actually for most people, not directly effected, it's pretty much back to normal. Thanks for the love though
I grew up with the IRA, so although it's very sad and it pisses me off (as much at Blair/Bush as at the actual perpetrators) - I think we got off very lightly and it hasn't really fazed me at all.
I/we were all expecting something for a long time, and honestly I expected much bigger and much much worse. It won't change anything here or abroad but will certainly lead to a lot of ill-conceived tired dogmatic spiel fron both left & right.
- It's beenrattling away on the CE boards here too, same old inflexible polar attitudes rehashed by the usual suspects, of course.
y' know, the thing that struck me on the bus home that evening, though largely empty streets, as everyone glanced at each other nervously, in silence.... was that people in places like Baghdad have lived with a situation like this, only much worse; that tangible, powerless, fear of being struck down randomly and for no reason, day in day out, for years.....
on a lighter note, that 3rd pic of you and the kids is so sweet and it sounds like you found a good balance. All power to you lovely