cathedra

It's Monday, and UGH!!!! It's about time I wake the hell up after 2 weeks of delusion. I gained 5 lbs in 2 weeks. I feel like my entire body is covered with lead and is heavy and swollen.

I know exactly why and how I gained these bloody 5 lbs too. The week before last I had bad cramps during the red days and therefore let myself off the hook for not going to the gym. Meanwhile "that guy" at work and I started making out every second day, and I'd be all depressed when I'd come home and *dum dee dum* I'd self-medicate w/ food. Then that weekend I had that party which left a bunch of booze & beer in my fridge. The following week I just let go, and didn't go, and the more I thought about the fact I hadn't gone to the gym, the more I wanted to hide out and eat. Also a good many evenings were spent downstairs at the girls's apartments where we'd smoke, drink and be merry. When I would finally leave the smoke filled apartments and crawl back upstairs my body would go on autopilot to the fridge and cupboard. When I would snap out of it about an hour and 3 bags of butter covered popcorn later I would be discusted with myself and crawl into bed waaaaay past my bedtime. So stress + pot + no gym = 5 fucking lbs on me.

I want to crawl back into bed and just I dunno, stay there. I'm kind of grumpy today at work, because I don't feel good about myself, duh. So yeah...I have to go to the gym tonight. I had a muffin and a coffee for breakfast, and brought some tuna/pasta salad my mum sent me for lunch but I almost feel like I can't breathe at the thought of sitting here while I'm getting fatter. I should of taken the day off and spent the morning in the gym. The thought of eating anything else today is nausiating, I feel like everything is swollen and that my clothes are tight. ARGH I hate this.