Yesterday I was full of despair and didn't feel right in my skin. Was restless, tired, so I went to the cemetary on Mt.Royal where I have family resting and I cleaned up from the winter a bit, and planted 4 boxes of pansies. I like going to the cemetary and go usually once every 2 months or so. Sometimes more often. I feel like there is no one that can tell me what to do, how to act, or make me feel like im being watched/judged. I feel totally free and peacefull there, and i'm visiting people I love, and people that I may never of met but that are responsible for me being alive here today. I'm sure there are tribes somewhere in the world, or traditions honouring the ancestors and the dead, heck I can think of a few festivals already, in Mexico and Japan. I just feel more in balance with myself when I take care of the graves of my ancestors. It makes me feel like the future is more friendly when you know that the past is not forgotten.
I sat up in bed this morning at 5:30 when my alarm went off to go to the gym and having gone to sleep at 1am I said to myself that I wasn't going to go. But I couldn't lye there peacefully, I felt so tortured by the idea of feeling even more like crap if I didn't go. SO lying in bed, with the lights off, covers on me, I actually got up got dressed and went to the gym. I guess you have to fight the urge to sleep when you're tired, and the world outside is rainy and wet and windy and uninviting to really understand how much of a mental battle this was. But never the less, I went, worked out for only 30 mins instead of an hour, but it's better than if I would of slept till now.
I'm starting to really think that I need to paint. Yep, like I'm thirsty for a huge virgin canvas to stare at. Thing is I need some new tubes of paint, and I'm worried about the canvas not fitting in my car (yea even with the seats down) since I want to paint something big and bold and put it over my bed. I found a song this morning (on the radio) that I have been looking for easily for 2 years. And by accident I caught the name this morning.
artist: Babe Ruth
title: The Mexican
go...download now...light some incense, lye on the floor in front of the speaker, stare at the ceiling and listen to this song. It speaks to me..who knows why.
I sat up in bed this morning at 5:30 when my alarm went off to go to the gym and having gone to sleep at 1am I said to myself that I wasn't going to go. But I couldn't lye there peacefully, I felt so tortured by the idea of feeling even more like crap if I didn't go. SO lying in bed, with the lights off, covers on me, I actually got up got dressed and went to the gym. I guess you have to fight the urge to sleep when you're tired, and the world outside is rainy and wet and windy and uninviting to really understand how much of a mental battle this was. But never the less, I went, worked out for only 30 mins instead of an hour, but it's better than if I would of slept till now.
I'm starting to really think that I need to paint. Yep, like I'm thirsty for a huge virgin canvas to stare at. Thing is I need some new tubes of paint, and I'm worried about the canvas not fitting in my car (yea even with the seats down) since I want to paint something big and bold and put it over my bed. I found a song this morning (on the radio) that I have been looking for easily for 2 years. And by accident I caught the name this morning.
artist: Babe Ruth
title: The Mexican
go...download now...light some incense, lye on the floor in front of the speaker, stare at the ceiling and listen to this song. It speaks to me..who knows why.
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bruna_:
you and your gym stuff is inspiring me. happy spring! 
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