So I'm thinking that this binge drinking needs to stop because it's really fucking with me. Not only do I make really bad decisions when I drink but I get a little....over excited to put it mildly. I'm considering maybe hitting up either a bipolar support group or an AA meeting because either way, they go hand in hand for me.
OH YEAH BY THE WAY I'M AN IDIOT.
I had my mom read this book called madness. And well, it's about an author that has rapid cycling type one bipolar and my mom started reallllly worrying about me. She came over to make dinner with me cause I was in one of those I really need someone to come over and sit with me and stroke my hair and tell me everythings gonna be ok type moods. And I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to cook anything in my kitchen. It just all seemed like such a big task. Overwhelming. Well she started lecturing me about drinking, and it's a huge problem in our family and well, I love being drunk because then I don't have to feel anything. It's amazing.
And it gives me a vacation away from myself because I hate being alone. Anyway, bottom line. I need to stop drinking. Esp. on these meds otherwise they send me into moods that I cant control. Like last night.
I started taking Omega-3's and vit B complex as well cause I read some places that they have help.
I made 20$ in tips the other night (thats a lot) and it paid for gas this week. Yay! I'm excited to get paid this week and be able to pay off some of my bills and my Car Payment before my dad kills me. he's super worried about my debit because he checks my bank account sometimes (he has access to give me money during school when I need it) I'm 500 down in my overdraft account and past due on my car payment since may 25th (I don't think it's that late, one late payment isn't gonna kill me)
The money situation isn't all my fault, my job started me three weeks late. Thats almost a grand that I didn't get. That was my car payment and my rent.
But I got my new purse in the mail today. Another one of my manic purchases.
I'm pretty sure that I'll have everything under control by next month....or so I hope. Unless something comes up. Then I'm fucked.
Med update: I'm not nearly as hungry as I was on zyprexa. Which is good. And i've been doing some exercies. I'm still worried i'm gaining though. I need to get a scale.....
xox Cassie
I don't ever wanna fall in love again
Don't wait for me I'm no saint, you'll see
But if I do, I bet I'll never fall for you, not for you
OH YEAH BY THE WAY I'M AN IDIOT.
I had my mom read this book called madness. And well, it's about an author that has rapid cycling type one bipolar and my mom started reallllly worrying about me. She came over to make dinner with me cause I was in one of those I really need someone to come over and sit with me and stroke my hair and tell me everythings gonna be ok type moods. And I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to cook anything in my kitchen. It just all seemed like such a big task. Overwhelming. Well she started lecturing me about drinking, and it's a huge problem in our family and well, I love being drunk because then I don't have to feel anything. It's amazing.
And it gives me a vacation away from myself because I hate being alone. Anyway, bottom line. I need to stop drinking. Esp. on these meds otherwise they send me into moods that I cant control. Like last night.
I started taking Omega-3's and vit B complex as well cause I read some places that they have help.
I made 20$ in tips the other night (thats a lot) and it paid for gas this week. Yay! I'm excited to get paid this week and be able to pay off some of my bills and my Car Payment before my dad kills me. he's super worried about my debit because he checks my bank account sometimes (he has access to give me money during school when I need it) I'm 500 down in my overdraft account and past due on my car payment since may 25th (I don't think it's that late, one late payment isn't gonna kill me)
The money situation isn't all my fault, my job started me three weeks late. Thats almost a grand that I didn't get. That was my car payment and my rent.
But I got my new purse in the mail today. Another one of my manic purchases.
I'm pretty sure that I'll have everything under control by next month....or so I hope. Unless something comes up. Then I'm fucked.
Med update: I'm not nearly as hungry as I was on zyprexa. Which is good. And i've been doing some exercies. I'm still worried i'm gaining though. I need to get a scale.....
xox Cassie
I don't ever wanna fall in love again
Don't wait for me I'm no saint, you'll see
But if I do, I bet I'll never fall for you, not for you