alright so im gonna bitch for a while so dont read on if youre not into my self loathing drama.
the weekend was fun but not for my relationship. i have zero self esteem so when he didnt want to fuck me every 30 seconds i felt horrible. (esp. in comparison to the way the other guys were all over the other girls). and i know that we're different because the others arent in real relationships and theyre just having sex and thats it. but i hated feeling unattractive and unwanted for most of the weekend. its like the second he knew that i wouldnt be trying to fuck someone else, hes allowed to ignore me until he is good and ready. he was so sweet the days leading up to the weekend. and once again. i have no self esteem so i feel like im the one screwing everything up and doing everything wrong and that he hates me now. i just want one good night with him the way it used to be and i can calm down. i can breathe again if i jsut know that he wants me. he said he wanted honesty and trust. he looked me in the eyes and told me he wanted to be with me. how can the girl who had everything she ever wanted seven days ago feel this shitty. this is why i date men i dont care about. if they dont want me i really dont have to care. but this is something ive wanted for years. ive always loved him. i never thought hed see me as more than some girl. and now im terrified i just need to talk to him and hope that he hasnt changed his mind about me. lame.
the weekend was fun but not for my relationship. i have zero self esteem so when he didnt want to fuck me every 30 seconds i felt horrible. (esp. in comparison to the way the other guys were all over the other girls). and i know that we're different because the others arent in real relationships and theyre just having sex and thats it. but i hated feeling unattractive and unwanted for most of the weekend. its like the second he knew that i wouldnt be trying to fuck someone else, hes allowed to ignore me until he is good and ready. he was so sweet the days leading up to the weekend. and once again. i have no self esteem so i feel like im the one screwing everything up and doing everything wrong and that he hates me now. i just want one good night with him the way it used to be and i can calm down. i can breathe again if i jsut know that he wants me. he said he wanted honesty and trust. he looked me in the eyes and told me he wanted to be with me. how can the girl who had everything she ever wanted seven days ago feel this shitty. this is why i date men i dont care about. if they dont want me i really dont have to care. but this is something ive wanted for years. ive always loved him. i never thought hed see me as more than some girl. and now im terrified i just need to talk to him and hope that he hasnt changed his mind about me. lame.