caseyblake

I haven't posted in a really long time. I'm a failure at that, I know it now. The only reason I'm up this fucking early is because I thought I had a midterm at 9:30 but apparently its snowing and Washington D.C. doesn't know how to handle snow so they canceled my class. Which relieves me. But pisses me off because I just woke up and now i can't sleep again but I want to. Lots of shit has been going down around me. Not really with me. I guess I see through the bullshit. It's a lot easier to tell people off or not bite their bait to get the sympathy and start the use me-abuse me cycle. I love being in control of my self as well as my emotions. I used to be one of those people that tries to save everyone. I never got to know anyone based off of who they were as people but rather I would ask them their problems and then the relationship would be based on that. I constantly felt guilty and blamed myself for everything. Pretty pivotal to creating an environment where I pretty much lose every fucking time. So I went to therapy. I was pretty skeptical but after about 7 months, it actually worked. Of course the root of my problems started in childhood. I was abused at a young age. And then my step dad comes along and he runs a military style regime in my own house with impossible tasks and kills my childhood. So i'm naturally a little guarded and bitter. But i've let a lot of it go. Things I used to think that were taboo I can now do. It is ok to think about myself. It is ok to be able to not make everyone happy. And it is ok to make one of my primary goals in life to find love. To allow love to be more precise. It's all helped me. So until I have another exam canceled or I just decide to write, here's to a good week and a hell of a year.