Once Upon A Time...I was crazy hot over a woman who was, at the time, 46. I was then 25. I thought she was amazing, and I wanted her. I got her....sort of. We had some major make-out sessions, and we made rolling-around-on-the-floor love twice. But she broke us off. Not because I was too young, but because she was too old. This really torqued me at the time. Now, I'm less certain of the answer.
And I find that curious.
My argument in those long-ago days was that it was up to me to decide if 45 was too old, and up to her to decide if 25 was too young---this seemed common sense to me, and it also converged with my brand of feminism. It did not converge with hers. For her, looking at me at 25, I did not have the "life experience" to make a balanced judgement about all of the factors involved. This seemed to me, at the time, to be bullshit. And I'm not entirely convinced it wasn't.
On the other hand, it is a little unsettling to be drinking up explicit photos of women separated from me by that same distance (almost exactly). So what I'm wondering to myself is what is so different about being 45 crushing on a 25 year-old, and being 25 swooning on a 45 year-old.
This is my current thought on the matter: not much. The rationale is different, but I don't know that it's valid. I feel the power imbalance we were all talking about way back when, and very keenly. That was something I did not feel counted in my brief affair of 20-odd years ago. I certainly didn't feel her age even entered into my feelings, at all. And I also felt that she was dressing up concern about what her peers would think in political language.
And maybe she was, and I am. I don't know for sure---and that is absolutely a difference between 25 and 45, because I **knew** I wanted her and didn't give a damn what anyone thought about it. So I look back, and wish I'd been more willing to listen to her concerns and talk about them, rather than dismissing them as "up to me".
But as I finish my entry, I am recalling that feeling, and how little I even thought about her age, and I do remember how infuriating it was to have her decide for me that she was too old; I felt then, and I suppose I still do feel, that it was a a different way of saying I was too young.
caryn
And I find that curious.
My argument in those long-ago days was that it was up to me to decide if 45 was too old, and up to her to decide if 25 was too young---this seemed common sense to me, and it also converged with my brand of feminism. It did not converge with hers. For her, looking at me at 25, I did not have the "life experience" to make a balanced judgement about all of the factors involved. This seemed to me, at the time, to be bullshit. And I'm not entirely convinced it wasn't.
On the other hand, it is a little unsettling to be drinking up explicit photos of women separated from me by that same distance (almost exactly). So what I'm wondering to myself is what is so different about being 45 crushing on a 25 year-old, and being 25 swooning on a 45 year-old.
This is my current thought on the matter: not much. The rationale is different, but I don't know that it's valid. I feel the power imbalance we were all talking about way back when, and very keenly. That was something I did not feel counted in my brief affair of 20-odd years ago. I certainly didn't feel her age even entered into my feelings, at all. And I also felt that she was dressing up concern about what her peers would think in political language.
And maybe she was, and I am. I don't know for sure---and that is absolutely a difference between 25 and 45, because I **knew** I wanted her and didn't give a damn what anyone thought about it. So I look back, and wish I'd been more willing to listen to her concerns and talk about them, rather than dismissing them as "up to me".
But as I finish my entry, I am recalling that feeling, and how little I even thought about her age, and I do remember how infuriating it was to have her decide for me that she was too old; I felt then, and I suppose I still do feel, that it was a a different way of saying I was too young.
caryn