carnelian

So I think I may get the net hooked up in my office at home next month.
I start school on the 31st of this month!! I am as nervous as I am excited. Class hours are 8-5 monday through Friday beginning in January and ending in October. I am excited to be doing something more interesting and artistic with my time. I am enrolled in a barbering program. In April, I will begin a part time job at a nice salon. So between April and October I will be so very busy!


The past few months since I quit my job at Xenon, I have been relatively lazy uninspired depressed blah blah blah. But in just the past few weeks things have really drastically turned around for me. I have met some interesting people and had great experiences with them.

I have been painting everyday and learning to lucid dream. which is very exciting. My male is teaching me to play guitar. I'd much rather have a bass though as it seems to be much more simple. I still pretend to be an amazing drummer and wake the neighbors with my drunken beats. But I think bass guitar would be good for me to learn so that I can express the things I feel in my dreams. I dont really feel like any of this is very important as if I were watched and admired or anything but I do think it is important in a basic way that it is part of the human condition to want to connect and flow through life in pure emotions, intellectual discoveries and spiritual awakenings.

I made a new friend. I had met her in the summer and never thought we would get along. She and I had both judged each other wrongly and so avoided each other. We added each other on facebook anyway and what we found is that we think about the same things and have very similar view points. So I had her over to my house. She brought her male. Our males played well together as we drank and messed around in the music room. (not that kind of "mess around" she is 100% faithful to her male) It was a good night. I am happy to have gotten to know her.

The last girl I wrote about who I was attracted to, well she turned out to have a LOT of emotional and spiritual baggage and negative energy. I stopped talking to her. She messaged me yesterday wanting to see me. I figure I will see her but only if she puts forth the energy. I've invested a lot of myself in her trying to help her. So I dont want to give much more if she doesnt seem willing to help herself. I dont want to feel like I have to save her or anything. Nobody saved me. I think we all have within us our own savior. But I cant lie, I do have desire for her and I want her smile to be mine. It will be difficult for me to keep a distance. When I want something badly enough, I do what I can to get it with great passion.

So my new friend analyzed my birth chart for me. She said I have a lot of male energy and a strong sexual drive. She said that according to it, I am mostly attracted to quiet or innocent seeming girls or else aries men. I find this funny because I do work well with Aries men but the girls I like vary in signs and generally do come across as sweet and cute but they always have a deep mysterious side which I find fun in uncovering. She said that like a male, I don't really have a lot of that mystery I just put everything out there and this could be why my best friends are usually men. All the guys I've been with at some point will say something like, "youre not even attracted to me." Or at some point most my male friends will be angry because they wanted to be more than just a friend and I never picked up on that. I just thought our relationships were perfect. haha! It's weird to have other people show you things you already know about yourself but in a slightly different way...its like waking up and seeing yourself in the mirror for the first time. That is something I avoid...looking at my reflection.

Strange.

My debts from hospital vistits and student loans add up to the price of a two bedroom one bathroom house with a basement and garage in Washington Park. It is rather depressing. But hopefully I can dig myself out.