Life goes on. Upon returning from my father's funeral celebrations, I found myself growing increasingly sad, although I didn't show it. Meanwhile, she became more absorbed in her own problems. I did notice some improvement in her attitude thanks to medication, but her attention towards me was practically nonexistent. I tend to be self-sufficient, so I didn't demand anything. Instead, I gave her the time and space to heal.
One day at work, while talking to a much younger colleague, she confided in me about her problems with her new partner, discussing issues related to understanding, communication, and financial difficulties. I asked her where she had met him, given that I considered her a good match – an intelligent, well-prepared woman, as well as beautiful. She admitted that in today's world, finding a good partner was quite challenging. So, I decided to download a dating application on her phone to help her out. "You'd make a good match," she told me, completely overlooking my marital situation. "In fact, I'll create a profile for you right now," she said. To this day, I don't fully understand why I let her do it or why she didn't delete the application. I had no idea about the implications it would have on my life.
I completely forgot about the incident and even left the notifications from the dating app turned off. I remained unaware of its existence for many weeks. Then, one day, while checking my phone due to memory issues and deleting applications, I stumbled upon the app. I found more than 20 notifications about matched female profiles. As I started reviewing them, I was surprised to see many young and attractive women. I didn't think much of it and closed the app.
Several weeks later, my wife's mother had a health problem, so she had to travel abroad with our baby, leaving me alone due to multiple work commitments.
During that week, one night, I was checking my phone and rediscovered the dating app. I came across a match that caught my attention: a young, attractive brunette woman, apparently a university student, interested in meeting older gentlemen. I accepted without knowing what would transpire. We started communicating through chat, and it turned out to be quite pleasant. However, I soon realized that she was mainly seeking an experience, and perhaps someone to invite her to an expensive or elegant dinner, more for the novelty than genuine connection.
Sadly or happily, depending on one's perspective, we set up a date. It involved an elegant dinner at one of the city's most expensive restaurants, plenty of alcohol, and her evident availability. The evening concluded with a visit to a hotel room. After the date, she was content and asked for a ride to her apartment. She made it clear that she didn't want further communication; she only wanted the memory of the experience and thanked me for my attention.
Following that encounter, I felt distracted. For a moment, I managed to push aside my worries, and I felt happy and successful, knowing that I was satisfied without forming any emotional bond with that person. It was purely about momentary pleasure.
I won't deny that sadness was momentarily forgotten, at least for a few days. I understand that many may judge my actions negatively, but I returned in search of that experience. The dating application promised me a different woman each time, some young, others not so young, all attractive, all pursuing the same goal: a fleeting, momentary pleasure without any emotional connection. I'm not sure how many I met, but after number 20, I stopped counting. It became a routine, and I had mastered the strategy, words, and offerings. It always worked, and the formula was effective. They got what they wanted, and I forgot, even if the sadness was only momentary.
