carebear

I feel like i have lost control over everything

my life
my world

Who i really am
and what i really want...i guess it's hard to figure it all out when you don't even know where to really start

Do you start with a job

Your mind, do you get all the shit that runs through your head every day, hour, and minute...do you just start screaming all the lies that you tell yourself

The one's that get you out of the bed every morning

the one's you tell the people you love just so they think you are happy with yourself

the one's you tell other people in passing just to make them think your life is grand

it's all lies until you say what's on your mind but then you might not have anyone to tell when you are through

So tell me how to rake control back without loosing what i have

should i just go and start new

can you really start mew when you haven't even dealt with the past

How can you deal with the past when you can't even remember it

So am i just really running away from the things I can't remember or choose to forget

while other experiences i can't even get out of my head but have tried to confront

I know no one can tell me the answers but i know my lie didn't come with a manual

so how do you really know

what is the right and wrong choice

i wish i new how to trust myself and the judgments i make

I guess i can't cause i know some are wrong do to people and one's nature and i guess you can say i am selfish but yet i think i am sp giving

maybe i'm just not getting what i need in return

what i need in return is a good question

maybe it's love from not getting any when i was young

or always feeling i was never good enough

and yeah i know my parents would say otherwise but yeah know what they are not me and don't feel what i feel inside me

maybe i don't know what love really is cause i was never really feeling it

So i have lost control and don't know where or how to get it back