got some things to get off my chest....
during my relationship with my ex (a guy), i longed for some space to play around (girls only), i admitted to him that i thought i was bisexual. everything was fine, until one day he decided that i only use him as pair of ears, and don't really love him. so he broke up with me about a month ago.
now i feel as though half of me is falling apart, and the other half of me is liberated and free to do what i want.
now i have the opportunity to go with a girl for the first time, i have no idea how to meet somebody, or what to do if i do meet somebody. it's like being a virgin again - i'm all nervous and unsure of how to do it 'right'. eek!
it would be so much easier to be with my ex again, but if i am unsure, surely that is not a good idea? could i truely have loved him if when we made love i fantasised about girls?? all i want is someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright. i don't know whats going on right now, one moment all i want is a lovely lady friend, and the next i want my ex back. it's so confusing!!
being a nurturing cancerian, i long for the whole mother/housewife role, even though i am only 20. i really thought that my ex would be the father of my kids (not yet mind, a few years down the line!!). maybe i thought i loved him because i have always wanted kids and i knew damn well he would make a fantastic dad?.
what happens if that is all thrown away now? my ex worshiped the ground i walked on, and yeah i probably did take him for granted. what if no-one ever does that again? this sounds so fucking shallow. i worshiped him too though, i did everything for him. but part of me thinks maybe i did it because i enjoy playing the 'good girlfriend' role, and not because i truely loved him.
sometimes i would look at him and think, "you are the most gorgeous person in the world", but then i would go on a night out with my flatmate (a stunning girl) and my opinions would instantly change. maybe i am a fickle, horrible person?
what if when i do go with a girl, i discover that i am 100% straight and i have thrown away the best thing in my life? of what if i discover that i would rather be with a girl and then i will not get to be the protected little princess in the relationship? i'm feeling quite fucked up right now.
during my relationship with my ex (a guy), i longed for some space to play around (girls only), i admitted to him that i thought i was bisexual. everything was fine, until one day he decided that i only use him as pair of ears, and don't really love him. so he broke up with me about a month ago.
now i feel as though half of me is falling apart, and the other half of me is liberated and free to do what i want.
now i have the opportunity to go with a girl for the first time, i have no idea how to meet somebody, or what to do if i do meet somebody. it's like being a virgin again - i'm all nervous and unsure of how to do it 'right'. eek!
it would be so much easier to be with my ex again, but if i am unsure, surely that is not a good idea? could i truely have loved him if when we made love i fantasised about girls?? all i want is someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright. i don't know whats going on right now, one moment all i want is a lovely lady friend, and the next i want my ex back. it's so confusing!!
being a nurturing cancerian, i long for the whole mother/housewife role, even though i am only 20. i really thought that my ex would be the father of my kids (not yet mind, a few years down the line!!). maybe i thought i loved him because i have always wanted kids and i knew damn well he would make a fantastic dad?.
what happens if that is all thrown away now? my ex worshiped the ground i walked on, and yeah i probably did take him for granted. what if no-one ever does that again? this sounds so fucking shallow. i worshiped him too though, i did everything for him. but part of me thinks maybe i did it because i enjoy playing the 'good girlfriend' role, and not because i truely loved him.
sometimes i would look at him and think, "you are the most gorgeous person in the world", but then i would go on a night out with my flatmate (a stunning girl) and my opinions would instantly change. maybe i am a fickle, horrible person?
what if when i do go with a girl, i discover that i am 100% straight and i have thrown away the best thing in my life? of what if i discover that i would rather be with a girl and then i will not get to be the protected little princess in the relationship? i'm feeling quite fucked up right now.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
kintoun:
Welcome to SG Scotland.
caralesque:
cheers dude!!