Every week I like to go back and give a second look (sometimes many more looks) to all the hopefuls that caught my eye or were compelling to me and write about them. I like giving it time so that models are given a second chance to succeed, but also because I find taking the time I notice things I didn't see at first glance.
I enjoy writing and find the art of photography to be something I get really excited about. I love the art of photography in all its forms, including erotic photography. I have a personal taste and I try to mitigate that a little and stretch outside of what might initially hold my attention. It's looking outside the box that I find real compelling stories and an appreciation for every image I see.
I've mentioned this before but I admire and am intensely jealous of all the models here who have the courage to be as comfortable with their bodies as they are. I've struggled my whole life with dysphoria and shy away from getting my picture taken. Which is why I like to be the one behind the camera, not the one in front of it. Someday -- I'm getting there.
I know how our perceptions of our body image can be crippling or empowering. I also understand the power of how a photograph can transform that perception. This week I took my own portrait, I mean, really intentionally set out to do it right. After hundreds of photos I finally nailed a half dozen images that I actually liked. Amazing is how I would describe the mental effect it has had on me. With sharing them to the few people I have, I felt the rush of being told I was beautiful. Something I've wanted to hear so badly it aches. I recognize in me, this rush can also be something that is fleeting and I may find doubt creeping back in. How vulnerable we all are or can be. Self-worth and confidence comes from within. Fortunately my worth as a person and belief in myself is real. It sustains me in all these times. So far the doubt is fading and having tangible pictures of myself that I actually like has helped.
Understanding this has made me do a lot of introspection. I care that what I write doesn't do anyone harm. I want each model to succeed (however that looks to you individually) and each to know they are all beautiful. I hope that the process of going through all that it is to create and release sets, is rewarding, just as it was for me just to have a portrait of myself that I liked. For the first time I'm giving my self a second look, a second chance to see myself differently.
Carah M.
@missy @rambo
