Why do I even have friends?
At some point, I ruin a friendship or relationship through blatant (or ignorant) faults of my own design. My imagination is a blessing and a curse. It allows me to forget who I am for a few moments to explore the world around me and the people who exist (in and out of my mind) that, unbeknownst to them, provide fuel for my artistic vision.
I like who I am, but, if I saw me on the street I would probably kick my own ass. This is not self-deprecation moreso than it is an acknowledgment of who I really am. I cannot apologize enough nor can I hope for forgiveness for any of my wrong doings. Either you love me or you hate me. That's pretty much the cut and dry of it.
My friends, aside from my family, are all that I have. They are a part of me as much as I am a part of them and when I do something to hurt one of my friends...I cannot forgive myself; even if they forgive me. I will always love her, but, how will she remember me? Will she smile? Or will she frown and remember someone who hurt her and never (completely) had her trust.
I am beating around the bush because the person I spoke of knows who she is. Of course I could have said this directly to her, but, this seems more fitting. I only want the best for her even if it means I am no longer an integral part of her day-to-day life. The road of life is full of unexpected twists and turns. We cannot think the people we pick up along the way will always be there. Sometimes, you hit a bump and they get thrown off. You can stop and help them back to their feet, to continue with you, or you can leave them behind in order to face the unknown alone; carrying the knowledge gained from them and remembering the times when you did smile with them.
Love can make you do some really crazy things. I never thought I could succumb to the feelings and care of someone outside of my family, but, it happened. And having her love and compassion is all the I really need. We could never speak or see each other again, but, I will have plenty of good memories and all of her love to life me when I am feeling down.
If my mother knew, and I'm sure she does, that I had friends like her (and a handful of others) she would have been able to rest...but not as soon as she did. My mother liked, no she loves (I am trying to refrain from speaking of my mother in the past tense...she's gone, but, not totally gone), Shannon and I could not have asked to find someone kinder, gentler, honest, sweet and caring as her.
With you and everyone else by my side...I am indestructable.
At some point, I ruin a friendship or relationship through blatant (or ignorant) faults of my own design. My imagination is a blessing and a curse. It allows me to forget who I am for a few moments to explore the world around me and the people who exist (in and out of my mind) that, unbeknownst to them, provide fuel for my artistic vision.
I like who I am, but, if I saw me on the street I would probably kick my own ass. This is not self-deprecation moreso than it is an acknowledgment of who I really am. I cannot apologize enough nor can I hope for forgiveness for any of my wrong doings. Either you love me or you hate me. That's pretty much the cut and dry of it.
My friends, aside from my family, are all that I have. They are a part of me as much as I am a part of them and when I do something to hurt one of my friends...I cannot forgive myself; even if they forgive me. I will always love her, but, how will she remember me? Will she smile? Or will she frown and remember someone who hurt her and never (completely) had her trust.
I am beating around the bush because the person I spoke of knows who she is. Of course I could have said this directly to her, but, this seems more fitting. I only want the best for her even if it means I am no longer an integral part of her day-to-day life. The road of life is full of unexpected twists and turns. We cannot think the people we pick up along the way will always be there. Sometimes, you hit a bump and they get thrown off. You can stop and help them back to their feet, to continue with you, or you can leave them behind in order to face the unknown alone; carrying the knowledge gained from them and remembering the times when you did smile with them.
Love can make you do some really crazy things. I never thought I could succumb to the feelings and care of someone outside of my family, but, it happened. And having her love and compassion is all the I really need. We could never speak or see each other again, but, I will have plenty of good memories and all of her love to life me when I am feeling down.
If my mother knew, and I'm sure she does, that I had friends like her (and a handful of others) she would have been able to rest...but not as soon as she did. My mother liked, no she loves (I am trying to refrain from speaking of my mother in the past tense...she's gone, but, not totally gone), Shannon and I could not have asked to find someone kinder, gentler, honest, sweet and caring as her.
With you and everyone else by my side...I am indestructable.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
singyourglory:
Identify specifically which feet belong to which person and I might figure out a prize.
singyourglory:
Well if you mean top left you're correct!