slow day, Got all worried for a while because I thought the ex took the kids and split, to my relief she just wasn't answering her phone for some reason.
So bored tonight, Jessica is away on one of her many scams. She is scandulous, what can I say, but we're often scandulous together, So with that I'm starting to feel like a character from one of Palahniuk's books. Me being the edward norton to her tyler durden.
My life is a big chaos of mixed emotions. My life fells like it's in ruins right now, a million shards that will be impossible to reassemble. When the ex was trying to kill herself, when she was sobbing and screaming incoherently, just before I pulled the gun out of her hand. I could understand some of the things she said. She said she ruined my life and then again when I tried to get her back she said this. Of course both times I told her it wasn't true because the first time I didn't want my daughter to see her mother splatter her own brains against the wall, and the second I was trying to get her back. Thinking back on it now she was right, because SHE RUINED EVERYTHING! I had the perfect little life and not once but twice she took it and flushed it right down the toilet. Of course this is just how I feel about it today, tommorow or the next day I may feel completely different about the whole affair.
So this is how it goes for now, no story book ending or great twist of events that shifts the balance of the universe in my favor.
Songs of the day:
NIN: Starfuckers inc.
NIN: Into the void(this is how I feel today)
So bored tonight, Jessica is away on one of her many scams. She is scandulous, what can I say, but we're often scandulous together, So with that I'm starting to feel like a character from one of Palahniuk's books. Me being the edward norton to her tyler durden.
My life is a big chaos of mixed emotions. My life fells like it's in ruins right now, a million shards that will be impossible to reassemble. When the ex was trying to kill herself, when she was sobbing and screaming incoherently, just before I pulled the gun out of her hand. I could understand some of the things she said. She said she ruined my life and then again when I tried to get her back she said this. Of course both times I told her it wasn't true because the first time I didn't want my daughter to see her mother splatter her own brains against the wall, and the second I was trying to get her back. Thinking back on it now she was right, because SHE RUINED EVERYTHING! I had the perfect little life and not once but twice she took it and flushed it right down the toilet. Of course this is just how I feel about it today, tommorow or the next day I may feel completely different about the whole affair.
So this is how it goes for now, no story book ending or great twist of events that shifts the balance of the universe in my favor.
Songs of the day:
NIN: Starfuckers inc.
NIN: Into the void(this is how I feel today)
apontes29:
shit man............i wish i had words to help you out.....but i dont. people tell me time will make things better...it willl all work out in the end.............sometimes i wish i could do serious harm to them when they say those things...just keep venting when you need to... dont lock up any of those feelings.... there.....those where my words... i hoped they helped some.....into the void is such a good song too.....
ziggs:
Man, u know what? someday, u will feel better about this. True, those horrific images will never leave u, but because of their influence on ur life, u will become a better person somehow. Everything in life has a purpose. U will find this one soon enough.