captknutz

So things have gone from bad to worse. Now not only am I broke, but I blew a tire today. To make matters even worse, I've hit another low on this roller coaster of post divorce depression. For some reason all the shit that I went through the first feew days al the shit went down that caused the divorce has come back to haunt me again. It's strange cause I forgot all about most of it, and now I remember exactly how it felt. This is also the first time I've had the urge to talk to the ex since february, which that urge always sucks. I've learned not to bullshiting myself as I did when we first split. Then I thought I could just be freinds with her and talk to her all the time and it would be no big deal. Through some great self-discovery months later I learned that talking to her and trying to be freinds and all that shit are just desperate attempts to reconcile things, which are always failures and always leave me a bit more broken than I was before. Every time I talk to her when I don't have to I start all over again from day one of recovery.
I figured this out cause every time I really want her back and all that are alll the times that I lose hope that I will ever find somebody else, and when the fear of being alone for the rest of my life is at its worst. Well I'll stop boring everyone else with my bullshit now, I'm sure there will be more to come later. This sucks!!!!