I'm not funny
Characters:
Me
Disgruntled working wife
Foreskin
Pancakes
The hot new girl
the boss
So it was another night at work. I should be asleep now but just don't feel like it yet. It helps to be really tired. The highlights of the night were a brief beret-slap fight with the Disgruntled working wife whom I was working with last night, and the fact that my boss complained because the TV in his office shares the same cable box as the TV in mine, and I have the remote and chose to watch Prince's Purple Rain all the way through, which he not only complained about, but also questioned my sexual orientation for watching. That combined with the fact that every time he sees me at a bar I'm wearing a suit has him convinced I am at the least a dandy, and quite possibly a closet-homo.
Anyhow so at the shifts end I am turning in my gun and standing in the room are Pancakes, a rather attractive girl whom everyone wanted to sleep with until Foreskin, a guy she's secretly obsessed with who occasionally sleeps with her just for fun told everyone that she has disturbing looking breasts. He said they looked like lopsided pancakes nailed to a wall, hence the name Pancakes. He is even so audacious to ask everyone, would anyone like some pancakes when she is in the room. Ussually people laugh, and so does she although I am sure she has no idea what he is talking about and just laughing because she's afraid people will think she is stupid if she doesn't laugh. Anyways, I got off topic.
So Pancakes says to me "what have you got for us today?" I reply "what do you mean?" She says I always have something to say to them every time I see them and it's always hilarious. "It is, what do I say that's funny" I reply, as I have absolutely no idea what the fuck she is talking about. "you know, like last week the thing about little kids who hold there breath" and again I have no recollection of this conversation, except for a very faint, hazy one, and I don't remember exactly what was said or it being funny in the least. So I space out as I turn in my gun. But then I finish, and she, as well as the hot new girl are both staring at me expectedly. I can't stand when people do that shit, I can't stand when anyone expects anything out of me, I don't expect shit out of them, why should I. So I say to her, "Oh, ok here's a little observation of something I think is funny. There's a coworker of ours who will go un-named. And for some reason every time he, or his wife get drunk they talk to me. When the wife talks to me she tells me all sorts of crazy shit about there sex life, in graphic detail, and then tells me not to tell her husband she told me that, but then, a week later, like clockwork, the husband gets drunk and tells me the exact same thing and then tells me not to tell his wife I know. It's funny, because I make a fun little game of pretending like I don't already know, its especially funny to use really bad acting and be over dramatic about it, act very surprised you know?' And then Pancakes and the hot new girl just look at me like an idiot. Proof once and for all, that I'm not funny.
Characters:
Me
Disgruntled working wife
Foreskin
Pancakes
The hot new girl
the boss
So it was another night at work. I should be asleep now but just don't feel like it yet. It helps to be really tired. The highlights of the night were a brief beret-slap fight with the Disgruntled working wife whom I was working with last night, and the fact that my boss complained because the TV in his office shares the same cable box as the TV in mine, and I have the remote and chose to watch Prince's Purple Rain all the way through, which he not only complained about, but also questioned my sexual orientation for watching. That combined with the fact that every time he sees me at a bar I'm wearing a suit has him convinced I am at the least a dandy, and quite possibly a closet-homo.
Anyhow so at the shifts end I am turning in my gun and standing in the room are Pancakes, a rather attractive girl whom everyone wanted to sleep with until Foreskin, a guy she's secretly obsessed with who occasionally sleeps with her just for fun told everyone that she has disturbing looking breasts. He said they looked like lopsided pancakes nailed to a wall, hence the name Pancakes. He is even so audacious to ask everyone, would anyone like some pancakes when she is in the room. Ussually people laugh, and so does she although I am sure she has no idea what he is talking about and just laughing because she's afraid people will think she is stupid if she doesn't laugh. Anyways, I got off topic.
So Pancakes says to me "what have you got for us today?" I reply "what do you mean?" She says I always have something to say to them every time I see them and it's always hilarious. "It is, what do I say that's funny" I reply, as I have absolutely no idea what the fuck she is talking about. "you know, like last week the thing about little kids who hold there breath" and again I have no recollection of this conversation, except for a very faint, hazy one, and I don't remember exactly what was said or it being funny in the least. So I space out as I turn in my gun. But then I finish, and she, as well as the hot new girl are both staring at me expectedly. I can't stand when people do that shit, I can't stand when anyone expects anything out of me, I don't expect shit out of them, why should I. So I say to her, "Oh, ok here's a little observation of something I think is funny. There's a coworker of ours who will go un-named. And for some reason every time he, or his wife get drunk they talk to me. When the wife talks to me she tells me all sorts of crazy shit about there sex life, in graphic detail, and then tells me not to tell her husband she told me that, but then, a week later, like clockwork, the husband gets drunk and tells me the exact same thing and then tells me not to tell his wife I know. It's funny, because I make a fun little game of pretending like I don't already know, its especially funny to use really bad acting and be over dramatic about it, act very surprised you know?' And then Pancakes and the hot new girl just look at me like an idiot. Proof once and for all, that I'm not funny.