captainchristmas

We had a really tough tour this summer as far as van trouble. One time we were pulled over on the side of the highway in Nebraska. It was one of the first major problems which ultimately lead to us being forced to sell our van after we got to Hollywood. So Jesse and Thad are a hundred yards back on the pavement, waving trucks and cars out of our lane because we only had two road flares left and wanted to save something for when it got dark. Obi and Gid were on stand bye and did their best to stay out of the way. I dont fully recall but Im almost certain that Dave was talking on his cell phone, to his girlfriend, at the time. I was kind of lost in thought, wondering what the hell it all meant, if anything at all. I remember standing around and getting Zake some supplies from the trailer, but nothing big, just watching the clouds. About fifteen minutes went by before I noticed this thick black line in the sky, it looked like a wall of storm clouds coming in but it was still a ways off. I was sure Zake would have gotten her running by the time that thing rolled over us as he seemed to have a good grasp of the situation. Twenty-five more minutes pass, Zake was talking about needing some hoses that we dont have and the only way to get the van running was to send someone to a house or ahead to an exit to try to find them. There really wasnt much around but we knew there was a town near bye because we had happen to break down next to an exit sign. I figured since I hadnt been very involved with the evenings festivities that I should be the one to go, and volunteered. By now the clouds were right over us and the wind was whipping. We were down to the last few minutes of our second flare and rain was just starting to trickle down. The wind was really getting ominous now, almost as if Nebraska wanted us out and was trying to intimidate us, or something. I have never been as concerned about running into a tornado as I was that night. It was twilight, I remember watching the clouds bubble and churn and thinking about all the times I had heard people talk about the boiling sky, and how that suddenly had a new meaning to me. Just when I was about to start walking, this girl with purple hair and a mostly shaven head drove up to the van in a beat up Chevet with a smashed out rear windshield. She got out and proceeded to tell us that she knew a little about cars. We found out later that night that she didnt know as much as she had let on. I watched She and Zake spend about fifteen minutes peering into the darkened crevasse of the opened hood and spouting off half-assed mechanic jargon until I found myself getting in her car with her to go find that hose. By this time it was starting to really rain. Thad had his doubts about the qualifications of Frankie, our new self-proclaimed amateur mechanic friend, and volunteered to go along with me for back up. I was surprised and touched that Thad would volunteer to accompany me despite the smashed out rear windshield and rain and what not. Since my head had almost literally been in the clouds I had just gotten the abbreviated plans for my mission. I knew from before that I was looking for a hose, and hose clamps, but Frankie seemed to have it under control so I laid back. On the ride over there, Frankie kept talking about gay rights and how she thinks that she has been a lesbian her whole life. I think she was almost trying to get a reaction out of us but we were city folk, she would have to try a lot harder than that to impress us. Then she started talking about how she had a date with this dude earlier that night but that he never showed up and thats why she happened to be heading past our van when she was. We asked her about it and she started talking about how this was the way she made some money when she had to. O.k. Thad and I were thoroughly impressed and equally freaked out at this point. You know those times when all reality suddenly becomes a little clearer and you realize just how fucked up your situation really is? We stopped at a truck stop where she claimed her best friend, or sister, or something, worked. Frankie persuaded her friend to let her use the stores phone so she could call her ex boyfriend, who had an anger management problem and had been letting her park her other car at his place. Boyfriend? I thought you said you were a lesbian? Frankie was all confused. We found out later that she wasnt even twenty-one. In fact all she asked for in return for the ride was for us to get her a bottle of cheap blackberry brandy at the local liquor store in Ogallala. She even paid for it. Anyway, the boyfriend thing wasnt working because she also didnt really know what hose we needed. I had no idea either and Zake kept on trying to explain it to me on my cell while Frankie was yelling that she thinks she knows what we need now, into my other ear. Again, I was frustrated. Frankie! here talk to Zake. Im thinking Hose clamps! I know we need hose clamps. Where are those little bastards? She spent moor time on either phone but eventually Frankies luck ran out. She offered to take us to her ex-boyfriend, who had a serious jealousy problem, without notice and rip the hoses out of her car ourselves, in the dark, but we graciously declined. That was at best a crap-shoot anyway, so we decided it was time to cut our losses. Do you know where theres a cheap motel in town? Frankie took us to a motel where they used to let her live for a couple bucks a week and whatever chores she could help out with. They were pretty cool and gave us a deal on the room. Of course at the time they only thought there were two of us. We phoned behind to the fellas to let them know that fixing the van was a no go for today but that we had found a good deal at a near bye hotel so they should have triple-a tow the van into town and meet up with us. We made it to the liquor store in time and decided that we all needed to relax a little bit as well, so we got a bunch of beer. I also treated myself to a half pint of jack but Cory ended up drinking most of it in one desperate swig. We sent Frankie on her way, I thing she was heading to a party or something. My hands are getting tired...