captainawesome

As i wait for That 70s show to start i figured i could go into...

THE GREAT BRITNEY SPEARS/ALAN ALDA DREAM:

OUr dream begins with me running around a mall. Most of the stores are closing and the patrons are exiting to thier cars. As i walk pass the cinabon on the second floor, who catches my eye but Britney Spears, walking and laughing, hand in hand with several girlfriends.

Now this may not happen to you, but sometimes in my dreams, things are just communicated to me. I know what's going on even though no one has told me. In this dream, some how i KNEW Britney was hold a contest to find her next boyfriend. Think Elimidate with out the cameras, and alot more work.

So the pop princess smiles at me and asks me to come along. After making fun of her music, i agree, cause why not?! She's not my type at all but a good story has to come out of this, right?

So i follow her back to her home. Tagging along for the ride are 3 of her girlfriends, and three other guys (contestants?) all dressed far more preppy than i ever could. Basically, these are the kida guys that used to beat me up in highschool.

Once at her hme, we are put through interviews and forced to talk to each other. After a few seconds of this, Ms Spears begins hitting on me. That's when her father comes in. Her dad, who will be helping with some interviews, is played by alan alda of MASH fame.

So i am led by Ms Spears into the dining room. She takes a seat at my right and Alan Alda sits across from me. As he beings asking me serious questions ("what are you intentions" "how much money do you make" "why should my daughter pick you") Britney takes my hand and places it btween her legs, under the table, with out her father knowing.

Part of me is appalled that she has the balls to do this. Part of me is scred shitless that alan alda is going to smoke my ass. But he doesn't find out.

I am led back to a room with the other contestants. They are talking to Brit's girlfriends. For some reason, she jumps on me and is very agressive. We fall on her bed and she tries to make out with me.

Thats when Alda comes in with a shot gun.

He doesn't seem to notice me and his daughter getting freaky. He instead tells the other contestants to follow him. He takes them out to the backyard, and blows each of them away. I turn to Spears and say "I guess that means i win?"

We start to fool around and that's when i notice she looks a little pregnant. She tells me that her last husband knocked her up. MTV told her she had to at least find a boy friend because her image was in danger (yeah i know).

(This is where the dream gets REALLY fuckin weird)

I tell her i can "take care" of the kid, and, sparing details, i use a hair dryer and a zip lock baggy to abort her child. But instead of a fetus, the thing looks like a demonic version of that creature the kid from flight of the navigator had. It's rrunning around and looking pissed.

So spears tells me to dispose of it somewhere. I take care of it and come back a little freaked out.

She tries to fool around with me again, and that's when i realize she doesn't shave from her knees up to her waist. It's just one big patch of hair. And the tops of her feet are covered. As i roll off of her, about to puke, i look over to see Alan Alda has been taking pictues on his camera phone the whole time, a sick grin on his face. HE then walks over and begins to comb her foot hair as i wake up screaming.