capncarrot3

Some folks, like myself, are single. Many of us will remain so past Feb 14th. As a public service I have composed witty and cynical answers to many of the platitudes, empty cliches, and not so subtle hints that you will be bombarded with in the coming weeks.

"There's plenty more fish in the sea."
-- And b@stards are polluting the ocean so there's less fish every year!
-- It's not the bad fish it's the giant mutant jellyfish that make dating difficult.

"When are you going to settle down and make me some grandkids?"
-- I probably already have. I just don't remember their mother's names.
-- I've decided to breed asexually. Divide, $@#$, divide!
-- I believe in survival of the fittest. Thus far no Sperm have made it through the condom. But when one does that kid will be cooler than penguin ice cubes.
Author's Note: That would be Penguin shaped ice cubes. I know some of you were thinking ice cubes made of penguins. And that's just gross. Leave them on the grill smothered in BBQ sauce, where they belong.

"There's someone for everyone."
-- And what if that someone is Fran Dresher?
-- The problem is there appears to be more 'someones' for some people. They need to learn to share and play nice with others.

"We're going to 'Le Singe Ivre' for dinner on Valentines day. What are _you_ doing?"
-- My goldfish are tarnished. I will be polishing them.
-- I'll be giving myself a root canal.
-- De dondo es Bibliotica, Pedro?
-- Thank you, Chuck Norris.
-- I plan to drink myself bald.