capguncrimespree

lately my mood has been only lighter shades of dark. i'm either only slighty hateful, or spitting fire. i really don't know why. maybe it's the unsettled feeling that's managed to eat through my chest for months. i have no home, i haven't for ages. if i have to say "it's in storage" one more time i'm going to implode. i live out of a bag, on someone elses floor. i know it doesn't bother them, but i just need a home of my own. the place that i might move into is really far from my new office. guh, justa little good luck, please?
at least there are a few people who can make me relax, take a little vacation to the castle of retardation. hot lava!!!!
but at least the weather is cooling off, the other night i wore my hoodie when i went out, it was wonderful. i can't wait for the winter. i can't wait to finish the game at work so i can take a break. i can't wait to get tattooed. that is seriously the little shining light in my life right now, looking foreward to that. it's very very soon. weekend after next.
other than brimming with hate, nothing is really new. i learned how to make my car blink.
i went to a bar b que in moorepark last sunday and saw a bunch of kids i hadn't seen in ages. it was really weird to see everyone all together. it just makes you realize how many people you actually know. it was soo good to see everyone. i'm such a recluse. i swear, my fingers are broken, that's all. went dancing saturday and sunday night, tho sunday i didn't dance. i just didn't feel like it. i've been tired all the time. all i want to do is lay in bed and wrap myself around something warm, and not move. dream strange dreams for days. then maybe when i finally get up i will have sweated out all my hate, or left it somewhere that i can't conciously go back to.

i need to make a list again. pros and cons, what's left to mark off. these things that float around in my head and nag seem much smaller when they're real, and tangable in front of me.

i think i'll get on that.