There are two scientific pieces of phenomina that are currently effecting 2 of my friends at the moment. I am sleepless so humor me.
Both of these lil events lead a person to feel a sudden desperate need to "settle down" and find a relationship.
The first is September. September is when people start seeing the holidays on the horizon. Who the hell wants to go through all that alone. You know your families gonna have opinions they have to share. So you start acting pathetic and looking for the girls in your life to spend more time with you. And they can see that you are unnaturally desperate and don't call you leaving you alone for Xmas. Sucker.
The second is lack of good sex. Never trust anyone who says the want a commitment but haven't had good sex in 2 months or so. Again they are feeling lonely and think it will all be fixxed with a relationship. Now if they are having good sex and want a commitment that's different. It's for actual reasons.
Last night I started suffering for a relationship, but for my own strange unique reasons
Crickets
My house has become infested with crickets. And the lil bastards won't shut the fuck up!!!
I haven't slept in 2 days. They don't shut up till around 6am. Then I try to squeeze in some sleep.
So last night while trying to smuther my ears with pillows, I finally thought those evil words.
"I wish I had a girlfriend."
Of course my logic was that if I was dating someone regularly I could spend the night in their cricket free home. In a nice soft cricket free bed. Smelling her hair and kissing her shoulder while I drifted off to sleep. Instead of a ridiculous chirping coming from behind the walls.
So until all these crickets die I'm in the market for a girl to date regularly in a stress free relationship. Must be small, athletic, and badass. Possesing a challenging attitude, soft skin, beautiful hair, and RAID bugspray.
It's just temporary till the crickets die and I regain the small inkling of sanity I apparently need to sleep.
Till then I'm gonna buy a shotgun
CHIRP NOW YOU SMALL HOPPING FUCKS!!!!!!!!!!
Both of these lil events lead a person to feel a sudden desperate need to "settle down" and find a relationship.
The first is September. September is when people start seeing the holidays on the horizon. Who the hell wants to go through all that alone. You know your families gonna have opinions they have to share. So you start acting pathetic and looking for the girls in your life to spend more time with you. And they can see that you are unnaturally desperate and don't call you leaving you alone for Xmas. Sucker.
The second is lack of good sex. Never trust anyone who says the want a commitment but haven't had good sex in 2 months or so. Again they are feeling lonely and think it will all be fixxed with a relationship. Now if they are having good sex and want a commitment that's different. It's for actual reasons.
Last night I started suffering for a relationship, but for my own strange unique reasons
Crickets
My house has become infested with crickets. And the lil bastards won't shut the fuck up!!!
I haven't slept in 2 days. They don't shut up till around 6am. Then I try to squeeze in some sleep.
So last night while trying to smuther my ears with pillows, I finally thought those evil words.
"I wish I had a girlfriend."
Of course my logic was that if I was dating someone regularly I could spend the night in their cricket free home. In a nice soft cricket free bed. Smelling her hair and kissing her shoulder while I drifted off to sleep. Instead of a ridiculous chirping coming from behind the walls.
So until all these crickets die I'm in the market for a girl to date regularly in a stress free relationship. Must be small, athletic, and badass. Possesing a challenging attitude, soft skin, beautiful hair, and RAID bugspray.
It's just temporary till the crickets die and I regain the small inkling of sanity I apparently need to sleep.
Till then I'm gonna buy a shotgun
CHIRP NOW YOU SMALL HOPPING FUCKS!!!!!!!!!!
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Anyways.......
I'm gonna watch Lilo and Stitch cuz I've been wanting to see it for a very long time.
<3 Stitch