cap

Ok I may or may not have bitten someones head off today.

They may or may not have deserved it.

I am always willing to stand in the other persons shoes and see if maybe I was possibly outta line. And from what I can tell if I was in there shoes I woulda avoided giving me a Dr. Phil lecture and kept the conversation at the level it was. She was askin for it.

See my boss is very positive and I guess you can say....thankful. He shakes your hand every hello and every goodbye. He tells you how great your doing everytime. I like the respect part, but the compliment part bothers me.

So he swings by and says Thank you to me about a lil side job I did. And how I really came thru for him and all that jazz. I wish he'd just say good job and walk away.

So when he's done and leaves I say mostly rehtoricly. "Man I hate it when he does that."

"Does what?", a girl server asks.

"When he gets all complimenty", I respond.

She laughs,"Why?"

"I know he's thankful, but he's exhagerating and it's obvious that most of it's insincere."

"Insincere?"

"Yeah"

"Why's it bother you? You know some of it's genuine, whats it matter if he wants to make you feel good about it?"

"Good point, I just have a hard time believing ppl are sincere most times. Kinda annoys me to have ppl not tell me the truth on how they feel."

"You have some serious trust issues."

WHAT?!!!

See having a conversation is one thing, voicing an opinion is one thing, but getting a psychiatric diagnosis from some chick who doesn't know me and wants to keep it that way is quite another.

Oh I know myself quite well. I know that I almost always believe instinctivly that almost everything said to me is insincere BS. No matter who it is coming from. I know that I make it a point to disregard anything someone says to me with a mental, "Yeah Yeah, whatever" till I see proof its fact. I know in others it's a serious character flaw that leads to paranoia and low self esteem. And I know it can put people off because they feel I don't care what they do or say, and don't trust them.

So after a second of biting back my first response cuz we're at work I quietly ask," Issue?"

I don't like the word issue, its a gong word. A word when uttered seriously causes hushed tones and staring and u can almost here a gong ring. It instantly alienates who ever its aimed at. I never use it. People feel alienated enough in life, I wouldn't be a part of adding to it.

She looks at me and knows she's done a booboo. "Well you don't really let yourself rely on others much, and you rely even less on what they think of you......it seems"

"Yep, that's right."

"That arms length thing isn't very healthy. No body likes a loner."

I swear if I had Superman's heat vision half of Rhode Island would be ash.

I calmly say," Jill? Have you ever seen me outta work? Have you ever met my friends? Or maybe talked to me on the phone after work?"

All no

"And haven't I said that I'm a very different person outta work than in, a buncha times?"

Yes

"So you've only seen me at work. Which isn't a big slice of my life and who I am. Isn't it a little ...premature and unfortunate to label someone with an "issue" without even exploring if it's really a part of who they are and stuff? I mean you wouldn't want me to label you based only on work, would you? And saying someone has an issue is like painting a black spot on a person's forehead. Once it's there it's very hard to see past it. And once you set it in your mind that a person is this, isn't it hard to see past that conclusion? Especially if you rarely get an opportunity to see the other aspects of a person?"

I know that it's written like I'm being nice and reasonable but trust me I wasn't

"I'm gonna write this off as a mistake and forgive you for it, but so help me if I ever hear you say something like that again to me at work. Cuz you know jack about me which isn't your fault, but you haven't even tried to get to know me, which is your fault. So if someone ever decides to go Oprah on me and who I am again at a glance. Make sure it isn't you."

"And by the way it's only an issue, if you don't like it. "

Wow looking back I guess I was a lil harsh. But I just can't stand people doin that to each other. What gives her the rite to say that a part of me is bad and unhealthy. I happen to be very healthy. I have friends and am social and all the other good stuff. And most importantly I don't focus on all the crap this world has floating around just waiting to get u depressed. I got better things to do.

Tomorrow I'll do something to let her know theres know grudge and that I honestly forgive her. Maybe I'll grab her a slice of cake or something.

Or I can give her a big piece of the bannana breads I baked. I make like 6 of them a month to snack on at lunch breaks. I am proud to say they is mighty tasty.

O well later guys, didn't mean to just vent on u all.
Bye

So endeth the Cap