Feelings are something that we still can't understand or simply don't want to. They can change so often and so quick at some cases.
What people don't understand is that we DO CAN control that. How? By loving ourselves no matter what, by being selfish (in a good way, obviously), by thinking about yourself and you only.
As I like to think - I mean, this is something that I learn while searching for help and searching for answers to my life and my future self - We can't help everyone. No, we can't. And we can't change people, as well. Every person in this world has their own path to follow and has their owns "ghosts" they have to take care of. I just can't embrace them under my wings, although I wish I could, and I suffer with that. I'm always asking in my prayers for nice and amazing things to anyone, for answers, for health, for peace and light, but trying to solve other's person problems affects me in a way that my whole body gets sick.
So, unfortunetly, I need to focus on me, and this is my main 2017 resolution.
But what made me write something like this? Well, let's face it. Planet Earth is a living hell. Yes. Everyone who lives here are only here to grow up and elevate yourselves spiritually. To learn with our mistakes and go on no matter what. And maybe someday we won't need to go back to this awful hell. And that's my goal. I know I still have much to learn, but I will try my best.
A whole night awake made me think a lot. Probably I'm changing, but I promise that will be always for my own good and knowledge, and no one else. In opposite of that, I still need to learn how to forgive - that is a tough one, i'm not exactly a "higher soul" and probably won't be in this lifetime. But I cannot forget. And sometimes I think that only God can judge us and forgive us.
Having said that, I feel really bad because I tend to give myself a lot to people who doesn't even fucking care about me, or even respect me. People who uses me only to get something. And after they achieve that, I'm thrown away or left behind like garbage, and feeling like shit. But that is my OWN problem: I tend to open myself to anyone without being afraid of something going wrong. Why? Probably you'll think I'm stupid, but I'm really just naive. I still believe people can be good, that anyone can be my friend, but that's not true. So, that kind of think unfortunetly happens to me. And what is worst: the affection , love and kindness I once felt, it turns into hate and disgust.
I'm sorry for anyone who enters my life after that, but now I know not to open myself so soon.
If you can pass through this, I promise, you will have a friend for life.
@missy @rambo
xoxo
Camy
