cameralikeagun

I'm still turning things over in my head.
Except the only thing I seem to be doing is replaying everything from yesterday as if it were a movie or a sound recording. Trying to remember every detail as if it's going to help me.
I don't want to break his heart.
And no, that isn't the only reason I'm stuck.
I mean, I still really care about Jake. I really do. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want him to hurt me. I would love for things to work out but I have no idea if they will or not.

I'm trying my best to look into the future but I won't know for sure about it until a little bit of time passes.
I'm going to give it some time.
We didn't get back to together.
I still have the "single" title... even though I know that if I were to start talking to someone Jake would be crushed.

I'm actually on my lunch break right now, I just needed to get this little bit off my chest.
I need to talk to my best friends.
I haven't been able to get ahold of them yet because my cell phone got wet and doesn't work and I haven't been home to use the house phone. I ran into Rae because she works with me but we work in different parts of the store so I don't have time to sit down with her either. I could only give her a one or two sentence story.
They will understand.
Especially Athena... I could really use her amazing advice right now.

Funny thing is, I don't want anyone to tell me to just leave him behind. To say fuck it. To abandon him.
I don't want anyone to tell me that at all.