camalot

There is a calm now that I had missed dearly. A sense of balance and peace that had become all but a faded and torn photograph lost in a shoebox, forgotten in a dark corner. Inner strife and chaos had become reality, something I had resigned myself to accepting as permanent and defining. Its been a long journey, with a few mistakes and a smorgasbord of lessons and I finally feel, within my core, that phase of my life has ended.

I can liken the journey to the feeling of warmth on ones skin as they emerge from a dark, cold and lonely place back into the light, the beautiful warmth overriding the searing agony of eyes that have not seen the sun in a very long time. It feels good to be me again. I am free. I am home.

I had a dream last night that an old lover came back into my life. Mmmm, strike that...back into my bed actually.

I kicked her out of it and demanded to know why I should trust her, why I should believe anything has changed for the better and why I should give her a gazillionth-and-second chance as a tiny angel stood on my left shoulder and a tiny devil on my right. They both whispered the same thing in my ears, "You know you're right, stand your ground". She had nothing to say. She stood there, naked before me as I sat in bed waiting to hear anything that might be believable as she shifted her weight anxiously and then poof...she vanished in a puff of smoke. As the smoke cleared from her departure, a small piece of paper much like what one would find in a fortune cookie fluttered to the floor where she had stood. The angel and the devil casually descended from my shoulders to retrieved the paper, chatting as they crossed the floor and paused to scratch the chin of my cat, Karma, who was curled up by the dresser completely uninterested in anything but sleep. As they reached the paper and looked down at it, each one cracked a grin and looked at the other, then back at me. They moved behind the paper so as to position it between them and I, pursing their lips and blew the paper up into my lap.

It landed. I stared at it. Karma yawned.

The angel looked to the devil and said, as if I were not there at all, "Isn't he going to read it?" to which the devil replied matter of factually "He's doesn't need to. He's known all along and just needed time for his heart to catch up to his head"

I woke up then, and a voice rang in the back of my head saying, as I sat up and scratched Karma's chin "What you know in your heart to be true will never be spoken in words. It simply is what it is and will never manifest in any other way."

That is all