camalot

It's true that if you look like you belong somewhere, no one will question your presence. I walked onto a construction site today with camera in hand and started shooting. No one said a word to me. I guess the hard hat and work boots helped. It's always very empowering to just own your environment. People respect confidence.

Anyway, I was feeling anything but, today. The drama of my life as of late has taken a back seat to a new drama. My wife says the passion is gone. The connection is gone. The romance is gone. She wants more that I'm giving her but she's tired of trying to change me. I wasn't aware that she was trying. She wants to see if she can find someone with whom she can have it all...the fairytale that is. Fucking Harlequin's.

It occured to me that while women are forced to strive for the unattainable, ideal state of being, thrust upon them by pop culture, men have to try to meet the unattainable ideal of the perfect man as laid forth by those fucking novels and everything like them. Seriously, that shit just does not happen in real life. I once saw a poster of a buff hunky guy and the caption at the bottom read "No matter how gorgeous he is, someone somewhere is sick of his shit." Another universal truth.

So it would appear that my marriage is over. I have already stopped wearing my ring. I feel betrayed, overlooked, bitter, hatefull, lonely, taken for granted. I feel an emptyness where there once was something.

I just hope she knows what she's doing. I hope she finds what she's looking for. I hope she falls flat on her face and realizes that she fucked up royally. I miss the person I used to be. I miss the person I was just one week ago.

I've never lived alone before. Could be fun.