So, I went to my aunt's wedding this weekend. Pretty flippin' depressing, I'll-tell-you-what. I'm very, very happy for her, and I was glad to see the family, but a lot of things hit me during the ceremony.
None of these people are really my family, I thought to myself.
Let me explain. All my life I was lied to. I thought Man #1 was my father. At the tender age of fourteen, within a month of being raped, it was revealed by Man #2 that Man #1 was not, in fact, my father. Man #3 was my dad, and I hadn't seen him since I was two years old.
So, my whole world came crashing down. My mother had been adopted, so I didn't have anything family on her side. She didn't keep in contact with her adoptive parents for her own reasons.
Then I find that the only family I had, wasn't my family at all!
It kind of clicked in my head, though. They had always treated me a bit different, and I always felt as though Man #1 favored my younger brother over me, who was his biological son. It all started to make sense.
Yes, I understand that "family" should have nothing to do with geneaology, but that's easy to say when you come from a real family. Without a biological family, I have no idea who I am or where I've come from. There's no history there.
Apparently my real father died about two years ago. It was July 9th, 2003. I know exactly where I was, too. I was sitting in a theater watching "Pirates of the Caribbean" for the ump-teenth time.
Anywho, during the wedding I felt this enormous emptiness. I've always said that I'd want a small wedding, if ever I were to get married, but who in the hell would I invite? My mom, my brother, and a small handful of other people? Weak.
At the same time, it truly awoke in me that loneliness I've been ignoring. A lot of it was also due to the fact that I had my first "love at first sight" experience:
I was walking through a Santa Monica mall with my brother and his dad, when I saw this hottie walking towards us. Beautiful facial structure, earrings, hair pulled back into a dirty blond/brunette ponytail, and he was just GORGEOUS. He walked past us and I said to my brother, "DAYAMN! Boy is fiiiiine!"
I shit you not, those words left my mouth. The guy was so beautiful, I couldn't help but to say something. Sadly, I didn't think it through, and I came off sounding like a retard. My brother got a kick out of it, though.
Anywho, at the rehearsal dinner later that night, this guy walks into the room that was reserved for the guests. He looked familiar.
"Oh my god," I said to my brother. "That's the guy from the mall!"
I ended up asking someone who he was.
"That's your cousin," was the answer.
Hot shit. My first thought is, "Eep..." but I quickly caught myself with, "Wait...there is absolutely no blood relation here whatsoever, save for my brother. Sweet!"
Anyway, he and I hit it off. We talked about riding quads, religion, politics, life in general, and it was great. His dad made us dance...in fact, the whole weekend his dad was pushing us together. He kept wanting pictures of us together; "Get closer," "Put your arm around her," "Dance!" he'd say.
At one point he said, "Now's your chance, go get him!"
I replied with, "Dude, he's got a girlfriend, doesn't he?"
"Well, he's not married."
Good point, daddy-o.
We danced at the rehearsal dinner and at the wedding. His left hand in mine, and his right on the small of my back, felt heavenly.
This guy is utterly beautiful. His smile made my heart all aflutter, and when he looked into my eyes smiling that smile as we danced, I never wanted it to end.
Alas, all things must come to an end.
He lives in PA, which is where my mom's at. I imagine I'll make a trip up to where he lives once I go visit my mom in a month or so. Plus, there's other family there. I don't want to be too obvious, though his dad certainly isn't masking his motives!
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I hope you all are well. Here are some pictures of the weekend's adventures!!!
Me On The Train:
Me and My Bro In The Bathroom:
(Please note the GlitterBoy shirt [Davey Havok's clothing line] and the Fullmetal Alchemist messenger bag [as if you need more proof that I'm a fucking nerd.])
My Bro and I Looking All Sexified:
Me and This Bitchin' Car I Just Had To Get a Picture With:
Proof That I Can Be Girly Sometimes:
Fuck yeah!
None of these people are really my family, I thought to myself.
Let me explain. All my life I was lied to. I thought Man #1 was my father. At the tender age of fourteen, within a month of being raped, it was revealed by Man #2 that Man #1 was not, in fact, my father. Man #3 was my dad, and I hadn't seen him since I was two years old.
So, my whole world came crashing down. My mother had been adopted, so I didn't have anything family on her side. She didn't keep in contact with her adoptive parents for her own reasons.
Then I find that the only family I had, wasn't my family at all!
It kind of clicked in my head, though. They had always treated me a bit different, and I always felt as though Man #1 favored my younger brother over me, who was his biological son. It all started to make sense.
Yes, I understand that "family" should have nothing to do with geneaology, but that's easy to say when you come from a real family. Without a biological family, I have no idea who I am or where I've come from. There's no history there.
Apparently my real father died about two years ago. It was July 9th, 2003. I know exactly where I was, too. I was sitting in a theater watching "Pirates of the Caribbean" for the ump-teenth time.
Anywho, during the wedding I felt this enormous emptiness. I've always said that I'd want a small wedding, if ever I were to get married, but who in the hell would I invite? My mom, my brother, and a small handful of other people? Weak.
At the same time, it truly awoke in me that loneliness I've been ignoring. A lot of it was also due to the fact that I had my first "love at first sight" experience:
I was walking through a Santa Monica mall with my brother and his dad, when I saw this hottie walking towards us. Beautiful facial structure, earrings, hair pulled back into a dirty blond/brunette ponytail, and he was just GORGEOUS. He walked past us and I said to my brother, "DAYAMN! Boy is fiiiiine!"
I shit you not, those words left my mouth. The guy was so beautiful, I couldn't help but to say something. Sadly, I didn't think it through, and I came off sounding like a retard. My brother got a kick out of it, though.
Anywho, at the rehearsal dinner later that night, this guy walks into the room that was reserved for the guests. He looked familiar.
"Oh my god," I said to my brother. "That's the guy from the mall!"
I ended up asking someone who he was.
"That's your cousin," was the answer.
Hot shit. My first thought is, "Eep..." but I quickly caught myself with, "Wait...there is absolutely no blood relation here whatsoever, save for my brother. Sweet!"
Anyway, he and I hit it off. We talked about riding quads, religion, politics, life in general, and it was great. His dad made us dance...in fact, the whole weekend his dad was pushing us together. He kept wanting pictures of us together; "Get closer," "Put your arm around her," "Dance!" he'd say.
At one point he said, "Now's your chance, go get him!"
I replied with, "Dude, he's got a girlfriend, doesn't he?"
"Well, he's not married."
Good point, daddy-o.
We danced at the rehearsal dinner and at the wedding. His left hand in mine, and his right on the small of my back, felt heavenly.
This guy is utterly beautiful. His smile made my heart all aflutter, and when he looked into my eyes smiling that smile as we danced, I never wanted it to end.
Alas, all things must come to an end.
He lives in PA, which is where my mom's at. I imagine I'll make a trip up to where he lives once I go visit my mom in a month or so. Plus, there's other family there. I don't want to be too obvious, though his dad certainly isn't masking his motives!
----------------------------------------------------------
I hope you all are well. Here are some pictures of the weekend's adventures!!!
Me On The Train:
Me and My Bro In The Bathroom:
(Please note the GlitterBoy shirt [Davey Havok's clothing line] and the Fullmetal Alchemist messenger bag [as if you need more proof that I'm a fucking nerd.])
My Bro and I Looking All Sexified:
Me and This Bitchin' Car I Just Had To Get a Picture With:
Proof That I Can Be Girly Sometimes:
Fuck yeah!
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All pur-dee and shit.
-TM