calypso

I bring to you...some random crap. Some random crap that is currently on my blog on MySpace:

No one could ever, or will ever, be as good as him.

His loving embrace, the warmth in his gaze, his simple smile so complicated in beauty; these attributes have set the bar so impossibly high. He has made others unappealing, completely undesirable.

I am left now with nothing more than memories and written words. Were these words meant only in the moment, or do they still ring true?

He touched my skin and shook the very foundations of my being, and I was hurled into an abyss of ignorance. What are we doing? What could this all mean? Truly I cannot be the only one who feels such an intense exchange of power, of energy, of spirit?

I still ask these things as I recall our moments of laughter and shared euphoria.

The first night he laid me down on the cool bed, and each time thereafter, I felt that crazy goddess-power of my mother's ancient religion. All of the feminine beauty and power I posess, evident in every parting of my lips, whether kissing or groaning.

We have been as spiritual consorts, seemingly ordained as such by some invisible, earthly force.

Have we loved before? That very question would have had me chuckling in ridicule, but I am far more open now.

We held each other in the dark, speaking of the things that make us human. I cried for the invasion of my womb, a child never brought to fruition, and he comforted me. And we made love in that dark, and I poured all of my being into every movement. Our eyes would meet and my heart would soar. He spoke to me, and it was as though I had never heard the word "beautiful" before. I might've cried were it not for the fact that he was still bearing into me.

Have I known such a connection before? Certainly not in this life...but perhaps in another.

For all of the horrible men in my life...the skewed father-figures, mentally-abusive boyfriends, perverse older men...I would gladly deem my life's woes to have never existed were I afforded the love of this one man.

I wish only to be his love, the keeper of the deepest mysteries of his heart. I long to hold him in the light of the new morning, skin bare and body stirring with desire that can only come from waking up next to a lover. Desire so deep and pure, that it cannot be mistaken for idle lust.

Ah, if only it were so simple. If only he was nothing more to me than a want of the flesh...things would not be so difficult.

Our endless banter, ridiculous wit, intellectual connection, moments of random humor, tender stares...I can only imagine to what extent they have brought my feelings. I can speculate, but nothing more. The words my heart truly wish to speak are taboo and frightening.

Still I wait. I will always wait.

The touch of another cannot compare. The aimed flirtation of others appeal to me no longer, and they've missed their target. Though my fingers are bare, my heart is not. Only one holds sway over my heart, and he shall have me as he pleases.

Away goes my pride, and with it, my inhibitions.



(I asked if you wanted to know how it was...you said that you didn't. Well, it was terrible. Who could be better than you? No one. That's who.)