OK- So before I begin this... I will preface it by warning you that this is going to be a 'soft' entry (for a lack of a better term). I want you to know that it is not 'that time if the month', that I'm not having break-through depression from my medication (I'm not on any meds... not for that at least). So take it for what it's worth... NOTHING!
The main qustion is WHY?
Why can't things be a little easier? I don't mean smooth as silk, but ya know a little easier. Like why can't I find someone to share all the good that I have to offer? There has to be someone out there that wouldn't mind having me on their arm. I realize that I have a lot of issues (mostly medical) that someone would have to be willing to accept, but there is quite a bit of good that out weighs the bad. I mean I'm not fat and I'm not ugly. So that satisfies the shallow guy right? Right, unless the fact that my right arm doesn't really work is a problem. I mean the whole nerve disease... well you can't see that, so that shouldn't count. I'm fairly intellectual, articulate and I'm even educated. I'm auctually a fairly well rounded girl. I was raised very traditionally, which means that it was instilled in me to cook, clean and do the laundry, but wait... we're modern so I'll also work as well. I'm very clean and orderly, and if you're not that's ok... I'll probably do it for you. I'm funny (thank god looks aren't everyhting), quirky, giving, honest and well liked by most. So what the fuck is the problem...
Here's the negatives: I can't have kids, I have a heart condition, an arm that really doesn't work, a nerve disease, fibro-mialgia (totaly not spelled right), I supose to be taking blood pressure meds (to raise my blood pressure, not the norm... I know), I can't pump gas the idea of germs scares me... I'm not the most tollerent person towards stupidity. Um- yeah that's it pretty much.
So what am I getting at? Well it's simple, in the last 2 weeks I have expierenced a lot. I met a boy and he seemed really cool, in fact the thoughts of love were floating around, not that I was in love but that quite possible this was someone that I could love. If that makes any sense. Everything seemed to be going well, and of course I ignored the small warning signs... just small statements that were made, questions that were asked, and a question not asked about 2 medications that he was taking... He did a few shitty things that I normally would have questioned, but for what ever reason I dodn't... Like he asked me if I wanted to go out for drinks at his friends bar cuz he wanted to show me off and his friend would hook us up on some drinks. Well um yeah, I'm not a fucking trophy.... anyway, so we go there we meet the guy, he seems nice, asks us what we're drinking... I have 2 drinks, he has 6 or 7... the the check comes, we were not hooked up and he looks at me and says that he doesn't have any money... $50 later we leave. I should have said something, cuz that very same thing happened last night. I can't afford that. It doesn't matter, that will never happen again, because I will never see him again. He decided to get drunk and maybe not take his meds... bad combo, He freaked out in front of his friends, people that I had never met before. He belittled me in front of them, called me names... it was not a good think. So I asked for his car keys and drove off leaving him there, 20 miles away from his house (not before I offered to drive him back to his parents house where my car was, he refused so I left). There is one person in his life that he hates... his ex, mother of his children. He told me that I was exactally like her. Why was I ruining his life.... blah, blah, blah. I left him there, drove back to his parents house and knocked on the door to tell them where he was and to give them his keys. I told them what happened and they told me I did the right thing, that this wasn't my fault, and that sometimes he just has these rages. His father was wondering if he took his meds that day. Geez- really comforting. I told his parents that I thought that they were great and that I was sorry, but that they'd never see me again. His parents and sister all understood and said that I shouldn't put up with that, that I was better than that and more deserving. How sad to here those words come out of his family's mouths.
So that was my 2 week romance, and the tragic ending. In the end I ihad to change my number. When I woke up this morning I had 12 voice messages and 30 something text messages, all ranging from him begging me to talk to him, to him swearing at me and calling me cold and immature. So now I have to call everyone that I know and give the new number all so that one person can't get a hold of me. How fucking gay!!!!!
I hope that you all are having a great weekend! Take care and watch out for fucking psychos. (on a good note I got a new book... ED GEIN- PSYCHO about the guy who inspired the movies Psycho, silence of the lambs, and the texas chainsaw massacre. I got it in the true crime section of barns and noble.... my favorite section of any book store!
Happy hunting everyone- (for what ever it is that you are hunting for).
The main qustion is WHY?
Why can't things be a little easier? I don't mean smooth as silk, but ya know a little easier. Like why can't I find someone to share all the good that I have to offer? There has to be someone out there that wouldn't mind having me on their arm. I realize that I have a lot of issues (mostly medical) that someone would have to be willing to accept, but there is quite a bit of good that out weighs the bad. I mean I'm not fat and I'm not ugly. So that satisfies the shallow guy right? Right, unless the fact that my right arm doesn't really work is a problem. I mean the whole nerve disease... well you can't see that, so that shouldn't count. I'm fairly intellectual, articulate and I'm even educated. I'm auctually a fairly well rounded girl. I was raised very traditionally, which means that it was instilled in me to cook, clean and do the laundry, but wait... we're modern so I'll also work as well. I'm very clean and orderly, and if you're not that's ok... I'll probably do it for you. I'm funny (thank god looks aren't everyhting), quirky, giving, honest and well liked by most. So what the fuck is the problem...
Here's the negatives: I can't have kids, I have a heart condition, an arm that really doesn't work, a nerve disease, fibro-mialgia (totaly not spelled right), I supose to be taking blood pressure meds (to raise my blood pressure, not the norm... I know), I can't pump gas the idea of germs scares me... I'm not the most tollerent person towards stupidity. Um- yeah that's it pretty much.
So what am I getting at? Well it's simple, in the last 2 weeks I have expierenced a lot. I met a boy and he seemed really cool, in fact the thoughts of love were floating around, not that I was in love but that quite possible this was someone that I could love. If that makes any sense. Everything seemed to be going well, and of course I ignored the small warning signs... just small statements that were made, questions that were asked, and a question not asked about 2 medications that he was taking... He did a few shitty things that I normally would have questioned, but for what ever reason I dodn't... Like he asked me if I wanted to go out for drinks at his friends bar cuz he wanted to show me off and his friend would hook us up on some drinks. Well um yeah, I'm not a fucking trophy.... anyway, so we go there we meet the guy, he seems nice, asks us what we're drinking... I have 2 drinks, he has 6 or 7... the the check comes, we were not hooked up and he looks at me and says that he doesn't have any money... $50 later we leave. I should have said something, cuz that very same thing happened last night. I can't afford that. It doesn't matter, that will never happen again, because I will never see him again. He decided to get drunk and maybe not take his meds... bad combo, He freaked out in front of his friends, people that I had never met before. He belittled me in front of them, called me names... it was not a good think. So I asked for his car keys and drove off leaving him there, 20 miles away from his house (not before I offered to drive him back to his parents house where my car was, he refused so I left). There is one person in his life that he hates... his ex, mother of his children. He told me that I was exactally like her. Why was I ruining his life.... blah, blah, blah. I left him there, drove back to his parents house and knocked on the door to tell them where he was and to give them his keys. I told them what happened and they told me I did the right thing, that this wasn't my fault, and that sometimes he just has these rages. His father was wondering if he took his meds that day. Geez- really comforting. I told his parents that I thought that they were great and that I was sorry, but that they'd never see me again. His parents and sister all understood and said that I shouldn't put up with that, that I was better than that and more deserving. How sad to here those words come out of his family's mouths.
So that was my 2 week romance, and the tragic ending. In the end I ihad to change my number. When I woke up this morning I had 12 voice messages and 30 something text messages, all ranging from him begging me to talk to him, to him swearing at me and calling me cold and immature. So now I have to call everyone that I know and give the new number all so that one person can't get a hold of me. How fucking gay!!!!!
I hope that you all are having a great weekend! Take care and watch out for fucking psychos. (on a good note I got a new book... ED GEIN- PSYCHO about the guy who inspired the movies Psycho, silence of the lambs, and the texas chainsaw massacre. I got it in the true crime section of barns and noble.... my favorite section of any book store!
Happy hunting everyone- (for what ever it is that you are hunting for).
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
yeah, but who cares where the care is coming from, as long as someone does, right?
[Edited on Sep 01, 2004 8:16AM]