Jesus, it's been a long effing time and basically I feel like I've been in hell for a month. At the end of my trip to New York in February, I met up with a girl I had known as a kid for some wild pointless sexual romp. Needless to say, it really opened my eyes to how cold things can be outside the comfort of someone who really loves you (whatever that might mean).
Since then, I've been a bit of a wreck. I don't think I've ever been more sure of a feeling in my life and yet, I'm more powerless than ever. I've taken to becoming the nightmare ex-boyfriend who is too miserable not to call her all the time and tell her much I miss her. She, of course, thinks all I want is for her to be my girlfriend again when I really just want to see her look at me the way she used to before we used each other up. And here I am, the one who had his foot out the door for 2 and a half years racking my brain every second of the day for a way to get a foot back in.
I know it'll take time, but time won't bring her any closer, it'll only force me further away. It just doesn't seem like there'll be room for this feeling again if I push it out now.
Since then, I've been a bit of a wreck. I don't think I've ever been more sure of a feeling in my life and yet, I'm more powerless than ever. I've taken to becoming the nightmare ex-boyfriend who is too miserable not to call her all the time and tell her much I miss her. She, of course, thinks all I want is for her to be my girlfriend again when I really just want to see her look at me the way she used to before we used each other up. And here I am, the one who had his foot out the door for 2 and a half years racking my brain every second of the day for a way to get a foot back in.
I know it'll take time, but time won't bring her any closer, it'll only force me further away. It just doesn't seem like there'll be room for this feeling again if I push it out now.
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you always manage to crack me up.