It still pisses me off that my Instagram posts don’t want to post to this site! Even after many attempts of unlinking and linking x_x It’s honestly my bad for not just taking it upon myself to share here. Duh Calaveraa lol.
But anywho! Y’all know I’ve had my bouts with my mental health, I’ve felt so stifled creativity-wise and just super unsure about what I want to do next. I’ve been stuck in the routine of doing my 40 hr a week vanilla job, coming home, eat, sleep, repeat. This quarantine has been especially hard on top of that.
I feel like it’s made me realize how depressed I am and how much I actually relied on my job to be where I got my interactions. My job is “non-essential” so I, like most, have been at home with my boyfriends since St. Patrick’s Day. My boyfriends job is “essential” so he leaves four days a week and I’m just here. I’m glad I have my boyfriend and our pups but let me also let y’all know, my boyfriend is (undiagnosed) OCD and a germaphobe, has been since I’ve met him. I love him and accept him and have tried to just help him see that the world isn’t so scary and that I’m here by his side just in case it is! There are definitely times where his anxieties kinda get brought on to me, it’s caused fights, but I have my problems too 🤷🏽♀️ But this whole coronavirus thing has literally been his worst nightmare.
My parents and two siblings live in town, one with my parents. My mom and the middle sib are also “essential”, my mom works for the grocery so she is IN IT daily on top of taking extra hours and shifts. It scares me every day. When things started to get bad, naturally, I wanted to run to my parents. They said they had a room for me and my boyfriend and I’d be happy and safe among all the people I love. But I guess I was living in dream land. I swear to you all I’ve thought about is how bad I just want a hug from my mom. We’ve FaceTimed, but she’s my mom and it’s just not the same. The other day I made her some fabric masks since it’s become mandatory she wear them at work, and made the plan to meet outside of her work to give them to her. My bf felt it necessary to go and drove me there, once I got out of the car it took everything in me not to cry because I couldn’t even be close to her. I also felt rather pressured to hurry up the whole process, I didn’t say anything about it. I get that this is scary and literally no one is safe but it still doesn’t make that MAYBE five minute interaction any less depressing =\
I want to create content, but I can’t barely get into the shower most days, much less get ready. I want to try but it’s so much easier to get sucked into being upset and then just doing nothing. I’ve coped with this in the past by setting up goals for events like getting outfits ready for the photoshoots I lined up at the Viva Las Vegas Rockabilly Weekender or cosplays for conventions and everything like that has been taken away. I don’t know how to keep going with my creative outlets despite not having these things to look forward to.
I try to stay informed about the world happenings and what’s going on where I live but there’s even so much of that I can take, I feel like I have no more energy to even give it.
I just feel like... blahhhh. Floating in bullshit.
I’m sure there are plenty of you that might feel the same. Which is why I came here, I need community 🖤 I’d also like to extend and ear, I know how hard it can be just to find someone to talk to sometimes. So, if you wanna talk about cool things and NOTTTT the coronavirus, comment below and let’s chat 🖤
