cain

You told me that you want to die
I said I've been there myself more than a few times
And I go back every once in a while
You called me lucky, you.. you called me lucky.
You said tonight is a wonderful night to die
I asked you how you could tell you told me to look at the sky
Look at all those stars,
Look at how goddamn ugly the stars are......
You told me that the daylight burned you
and that the sunrise was enough to kill you
I said maybe you're a vampire
You said it's quite possible I feel truly dead inside.
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I listened to some music today that I hadn't listen to in a year. I remember singing those songs, thinking how much those words meant to me. Thinking that I had myself so figured out. It truly is amazing how boss I thought I was. Now what am I? Nothing. Not a clue in the world. Such is life.
I think my guinea pig is sad. She needs a friend now that Teri decided the rabbit needed to be separated because she had mysterious bald patches. Stupid rabbit. Ugly. Useless. I don't like it. Siouxsie is much, much cooler. She talks to me and pees on people she likes. She needs a friend. When I have enough money I'm totally going to get her a girlfriend.
Tuesday night I thought it would be a great idea to get some caffeine pills and stay up all night to get all my shit done. Bad, bad idea. That shit really fucked me up for some reason. I ended up not getting my shit done, trying to sleep, waking up, flipping out, crying, being irritable, and having a stomach ache all fucking day. It was great. I won't touch that shit again.
I have yet another paper due tomorrow. I just told this to my friend from back home, the guy who didn't go to college and kinda fucked up royally, and he goes, "I never have to write a paper ever again for the rest of my life." Good for you, ass. You also will have shitty jobs and probably stay in Greencastle forever. Or maybe not. Move to Alaska. I think that would be good for you.
My lovely brother is sharing his white widow tomorrow. He loves me, deep down inside. Yessssss. Good times ahead, for fucking once. I miss feeling happy. I miss just feeling mediocre, not happy, not sad, just there. So much for that shit.
My paper is on medieval subcultures based on Lord of the Rings...where the hell am I to find information on this shit. Not like I've actually LOOKED or anything. I need to find these people. The ones who name their children Frodo. The ones who go into taco bell with elf ears and cloaks. I actually saw that once. I was too enamoured to say anything to her though. What do you say to people who look awesome? "Hi, you look amazing." Not just elf folk, I'm talking anyone. I see cool looking people and I want to pee down my leg. "OH MY GOD!! YOU DO EXIST!!! BE MY FUCKING FRIEND!!!" I hardly ever see interesting looking people. Except at work, of course. But just everyday, its like highschool only about ten billion times worse. Robots, man. Fucking robots.
There's this guy Drew, who I thought was my friend here. He never calls me anymore though. I saw him the other day and he's like, "wanna hang out this weekend?" and I was like "i dunno what i'm doing." So the next day he's like "do you even wanna hang out with me?" and I said no. He asked why I was being so mean. I just looked in his eyes. It was one of those, "man, you're fucking lame and you KNOW it." I just hope he knows he fucked up. He told me I was the coolest person he'd met. If that's true, I hope he knows how lame he is. He still has my Last Unicorn DVD. I want it back, but if it means dealing with him anymore than I have to, it's not worth it. And neither is he. It's a shame, really, because I think we could have been really cool friends. Our personalities were kinda in sync. But whatever, that's life. Move the fuck on, I suppose. Just kinda shitty that people are like that. He was always commenting on how hard my long distance relationship must be. For one, asshole, it's not long distance. It's an hour. "Are you really in love?" Excuse me, but what the FUCK kind of question is that? Please, feel free to fuck right off anytime now, sir. It doesn't matter, because he is most definitely cooler than you, fucking idiot.
He was a shitty person. Now I have no friends at all. Moving on.
Isn't life grand? Holy shit...ice cream.