I haven't been to a concert in a long time. I don't like them. Concerts are fucking wierd, and a rip off. I'd much, much rather go to a show. I saw Incubus tonight, and it didn't really seem to do them much justice. An audience full of fucking frat boys and dumbass whores in really short skirts and chuck taylors. What the fuck? What the fuck are you trying to say with those shoes? I hate people. Really. Everywhere I look, they're all the same. I've encountered no one like myself here, and it fucking blows. Although the job starts tuesday so maybe there's hope? Let's hope so, because I've all but given up on hope. I've been thinking about going to the health center and going for depression screening or something. I need pills. I'd much rather be numb than feel the absolute emptiness I feel on a day to day basis. Going to bed and not knowing its going to be better tomorrow. Hollow. Dead inside. I don't even enjoy the things that used to make me happy. Heather just left here. She has 5 hours of driving ahead of her, and she just started crying. I would too. And I have been. We all just cried all day because we have no friends and we're separated. How pathetic. I cry everyday. It's really, really lame. Sometimes on my way to class I'll just start to well up, but then I stop because who wants to see some bitch fucking crying. Not me. I hate it when people cry, and its a fucking shame that I do it everyday. I hate it.
But right now I'm feeling sort of indifferent. I didn't cry when Heather left and I thought I would. I think its the drugs. I just feel numb. It's really nice. I'd so much rather be this way than actually FEEL emotion. Especially, like I said, the horrible weight I feel on my heart. Which is why I need to be on drugs all the time. Which is why I need to go to the Health Center. Something to make me numb and take away the fucking PAIN.
Sounds melodramatic, but I assure you, it's fucking MISERY I feel everyday. And if you don't like reading about how depressing my life is, I suggest you stop reading, because I expect to be unhappy for the rest of my life. How can things possibly get any better for me? Okay. I'll stop that now. But life does suck, it sucks very much. And I guess I'll leave it at that. I hope this entry didn't suck every living joy out of your body.
Oh wait...yes I do.
But right now I'm feeling sort of indifferent. I didn't cry when Heather left and I thought I would. I think its the drugs. I just feel numb. It's really nice. I'd so much rather be this way than actually FEEL emotion. Especially, like I said, the horrible weight I feel on my heart. Which is why I need to be on drugs all the time. Which is why I need to go to the Health Center. Something to make me numb and take away the fucking PAIN.
Sounds melodramatic, but I assure you, it's fucking MISERY I feel everyday. And if you don't like reading about how depressing my life is, I suggest you stop reading, because I expect to be unhappy for the rest of my life. How can things possibly get any better for me? Okay. I'll stop that now. But life does suck, it sucks very much. And I guess I'll leave it at that. I hope this entry didn't suck every living joy out of your body.
Oh wait...yes I do.
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
presence:
ya i dont know why i still go to shows i tend to regret most of them...i dont even like goin out in general for the most part..id rather just hibernate...it would be nice if that or any other philsophy on life worked...thats funny you had that quote in an old notebook..i pulled it out of one of my old notebooks when i was bored today responding to my ex's "were never gonna see each other again" letter.. i dont understand your pain because no one does..its yours..but i do empathize ...depression and misery is like fighting a war...just when you might think your winning it gets worse than its ever been.i hate it....hopefully yours gets better.......::sending lots of love your way:: p.s. yr a hottie! p.p.s yr a hottie with a misfits poster in her profile pic who also likes cradle of filth?? mercy 
xsor1ax:
Whoa.............Shhhhhh........ THank you so much for that comment That was way sick.......You are so awesome. 