I'm still unemployed I quit the shitty, non paid, non learning at all, crappy internship. I want to motivate myself to forfill my constantly need for life and love for all. In order to do that I need that finally the cosmos hears my prayers. Of course I'm doing my part, I started a new (hopefully more serene) phase, I started to think of living long and not wasting time with fear and fullishness. I started by quiting the cigarrete addiction, I still smoke joints though. I started drinking much less, and I started to motivate myself to start working out (after 14 years it aint easy). I started p90x 3 times now, never went past the 1st week, but I hope and want, because it's all I've to make it all 90 days.
On another note which probably is the most life changing. I decided I can't continue to live my life depressed, missing something I can't comprehend, fighting in fights I can't win, trying to contol what I can't control, and needing due to that medication.
I always knew I was spiritual, although my scientific side always questions everything. But I always believed something was good and pure and inside and all around us, connecting us. Call it God, faith, I don't care. I know there's somethings I can't control but I can learn to listen to this energy better, I can control how it affects me. I want that. Freedom from fear.
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Also I need to write, finish one of my unfinished books, start another, do short stories, something. I've been blocked because I can't see with all this noisy crap life buzzing around me. I want to learn about me and in that find me and start again. Start writing forever.
Reality... I need money to go spend 4 mths in a ashram in India and I've no money
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I need a job. But I've to keep the faith in this possibility so I'm moving on, started my meditation, mantras, I want to start my apprenticeshio so that I'm ready for the harshness and life shaking India.
I'm doing the turbo fire one