I've still got a bit of time left. i'm in st. louis on leave. i go back to alaska on sunday. then i can't say when i'm going but i thought i'd fork over the nine bucks for a bit of another month none the less.
i appreciate the comments. there's certainly nothing like connecting with people on some level who you kinda know but not really. the funny things insecurity does to us.
in my atrocious sentences and my utter disreguard of syntax some of what i was trying to say may have become muddled. i was far too deep in my ideas while i was writing and i guess i'm not really into rewriting too much. oh well.
it's just i wanted to cheer everyone up in a sense. inspire them with a wisp of a tale of one person who's survived shit he probably shouldn't have. who wants to explain an idea and story in a few erratic paragraphs. man if i could tell you how it feels sometimes to have this other family with strange dudes and become more conscious of people who i tend to judge and belittle and pushing it aside for brief moments here and there(i'm no bodhisatva for fuck's sake), and just notice this person existing there. someone i'd normally completely dismiss and know there's such little difference between you and them. and to sense that in this maze of ideas and beliefs that maybe there's some key to why we fight. and personally i think it's mostly fear. fear of being wrong. afraid that your beliefs are wrong, that just maybe your screwed. but really you wouldn't be i guess. but nonetheless i think we're so afraid of being wrong sometimes of closing doors were not sure we want closed that we miss something we didn't want to take chance on. maybe anyway...
my friend's in rollling stone again. brian case. check out his band's new cd the pony's.
my cousin's best friend killed himself the other day. fucking twenty-one years old if that. i know it's a disease you get tunnel vision you can't trust yourself and you're afraid of what other people are thinking but man what a fucking cowardly way to go. that is if it's not about honor a la japanese.
speaking of redemption and what not i saw one of the best films i've seen in a while(besides batman begins)----check out love song for bobby long. john travolta's best role. and scarlet johanson. her voice is wicked.
oh well. won a bunch of money playing poker till the casino closed and now i'm worn out. hope this made sense.
later,
chris
i appreciate the comments. there's certainly nothing like connecting with people on some level who you kinda know but not really. the funny things insecurity does to us.
in my atrocious sentences and my utter disreguard of syntax some of what i was trying to say may have become muddled. i was far too deep in my ideas while i was writing and i guess i'm not really into rewriting too much. oh well.
it's just i wanted to cheer everyone up in a sense. inspire them with a wisp of a tale of one person who's survived shit he probably shouldn't have. who wants to explain an idea and story in a few erratic paragraphs. man if i could tell you how it feels sometimes to have this other family with strange dudes and become more conscious of people who i tend to judge and belittle and pushing it aside for brief moments here and there(i'm no bodhisatva for fuck's sake), and just notice this person existing there. someone i'd normally completely dismiss and know there's such little difference between you and them. and to sense that in this maze of ideas and beliefs that maybe there's some key to why we fight. and personally i think it's mostly fear. fear of being wrong. afraid that your beliefs are wrong, that just maybe your screwed. but really you wouldn't be i guess. but nonetheless i think we're so afraid of being wrong sometimes of closing doors were not sure we want closed that we miss something we didn't want to take chance on. maybe anyway...
my friend's in rollling stone again. brian case. check out his band's new cd the pony's.
my cousin's best friend killed himself the other day. fucking twenty-one years old if that. i know it's a disease you get tunnel vision you can't trust yourself and you're afraid of what other people are thinking but man what a fucking cowardly way to go. that is if it's not about honor a la japanese.
speaking of redemption and what not i saw one of the best films i've seen in a while(besides batman begins)----check out love song for bobby long. john travolta's best role. and scarlet johanson. her voice is wicked.
oh well. won a bunch of money playing poker till the casino closed and now i'm worn out. hope this made sense.
later,
chris
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
trementina:
happy birthday 
m_bethany:
yo babe... what up.